The Chicest $20 Million Guide to ‘Summering’ Ever!
Now that July is nearly here and we’ve passed the summer solstice, we mustn’t waste another minute: It’s time to get serious about the remaining weeks of sun-time. And by “serious,” we mean lost in the tidal wave of our APR. Because, if you happened to miss a little scandal involving a Fire Island share house and some silly swag, we’ve got some advice for you: It’s more fun to just buy everything.
We’ve rustled up a cornucopia of coastal staples: white jeans, striped espadrilles, ocean-colored suiting, and more that will take us smoothly through all informal occasions while still conveying we spent a fortune on them, a.k.a. “casual elegance.” We’ve also prepared for the onslaught of black-tie galas and white-themed garden parties that we’ll doubtlessly be invited to. We’ve picked out a surfboard we never intend to assault with salt water, and some bicycles that would make any Citi Bike feel like a lemon.
So if you’re in the area, stop by our massive beachfront rental in East Hampton and help yourself to unlimited lobster salad ($100 a pound), plus the best rosé money can buy. Or, better yet, hitch a ride with us to the Maidstone on our massive custom yacht. In the Hamptons, everything is easy. So rather than tell you what to wear (there’s a dress code, but no one’s sharing it) or how to behave, click through our shopping list for a glimpse into how the other half summers.
Lifestyle Accessories: $26,781+ "Insta-what? We'll use old-fashioned film (and our Hermès Leica, duh) to capture ourselves floating o...
Lifestyle Accessories: $26,781+ "Insta-what? We'll use old-fashioned film (and our Hermès Leica, duh) to capture ourselves floating on our Chanel surfboard in our pool and blowing bubbles from our sterling Tiffany's bubble wand in between fistfuls of lobster salad (no bread allowed)." —Us
Subtle One-Pieces: $700 "Bikinis are so ... Montauk." —Stella Bugbee
Six Very Unique Swimsuits: $2,070 "All of these artist-rendered landscapes will make my swimming regime look so drastically different that, ...
Six Very Unique Swimsuits: $2,070 "All of these artist-rendered landscapes will make my swimming regime look so drastically different that, every day of the week, Stella will have to help me decide." —Kurt Soller
The Basics (Hers): $6,396 "Nothing says 'I heart the class system' like cream-colored basics in sunny locales." —S.B.
The Basics (His): $860 "French women don't get dirty, either, right?" —K.S.
93 Cotton Dress Shirts As Uniform: $28,830 "The reason to wear the exact same (new and wonderful) Band of Outsiders shirt everyday of summer...
93 Cotton Dress Shirts As Uniform: $28,830 "The reason to wear the exact same (new and wonderful) Band of Outsiders shirt everyday of summer is so that the Help doesn't have to stress themselves out with doing laundry." —K.S.
Assorted Bling: $327,775 "If this were the last page of a fashion magazine, it would tell you to pair these individually with some white jea...
Assorted Bling: $327,775 "If this were the last page of a fashion magazine, it would tell you to pair these individually with some white jeans and Jesus sandals to offset the blinginess. We say, wear them all at once, all day long." —S.B.
Obligatory High-End Cuff Links: $19,480 "I'll throw these at people when I want to get their attention. I don't even own a French cuff shirt...
Obligatory High-End Cuff Links: $19,480 "I'll throw these at people when I want to get their attention. I don't even own a French cuff shirt." —K.S.
Summer's Best Striped Shirts: $2,751 "Isn't Breton what people in the military wore? Polos instead, please." —K.S.
Crocodile Shoes: $5,590 "Because the whole time I was watching The Great Gatsby, I kept thinking, Are those from DSW?" — K.S.
Casual Drinks on the Patio: $754+ "B. Y. O. Baccarat." —Us
Low-Key Footwear: $2,278 "Shoes in the Hamptons must either have gold, stripes, or rope on them. The first reader to find me one with all th...
Low-Key Footwear: $2,278 "Shoes in the Hamptons must either have gold, stripes, or rope on them. The first reader to find me one with all three gets to ride in my helicopter." —S.B.
Gala-Worthy Evening Attire: $16,998 "Gowns in the Hamptons must either have gold, beading, or rope on them. The first reader to find me one ...
Gala-Worthy Evening Attire: $16,998 "Gowns in the Hamptons must either have gold, beading, or rope on them. The first reader to find me one with all three gets to accompany me to dinner at Jay and Bey's." —S.B.
Subtle Tailoring: $7,680 "Just like blue-eyed people look the best in blue clothing — trust me — aquatic-colored suits are require...
Subtle Tailoring: $7,680 "Just like blue-eyed people look the best in blue clothing — trust me — aquatic-colored suits are required for dressing up near the ocean. These are for summer black-tie parties, which won't require shoes (or black, even) because I'll just host them myself on our private beach." —K.S.
Non-Gratuitous Towels: $978 "Luxury towels have never had more of a raison d'être than this particular slideshow." —S.B.
Ten Pairs of the Same Sandals With Clean Lines: $5,080 "Don't you just hate when the bottom of your shoes get dirty?" —K.S.
A Linus Bike and Basket: $758 "We'll fill the basket of this jaunty little bike with $35-worth of peaches from the local farmers' market, th...
A Linus Bike and Basket: $758 "We'll fill the basket of this jaunty little bike with $35-worth of peaches from the local farmers' market, then eat all three of them on the ride to Citarella, where we'll stock up on pre-skewered shish kabobs and multicolored merengues." —S.B.
Her Sunglasses: $3,040 "I find that the fancier the sunglasses, the better they are at holding my hair back off my face when I wear them as ...
Her Sunglasses: $3,040 "I find that the fancier the sunglasses, the better they are at holding my hair back off my face when I wear them as headbands." —S.B.
His Sunglasses: $1,680 "I made sure the lenses are light enough so that you can see what I'm doing with my eyes." —K.S.
A New Bracelet: $425,000 "If you're going to do this right, you should leave your iPhone in the city." —K.S.
Shorts With Longer Inseams: $3,688 "Different short-lengths are about as trendy as 'men's trends' get. But, I agree: The only thing more tac...
Shorts With Longer Inseams: $3,688 "Different short-lengths are about as trendy as 'men's trends' get. But, I agree: The only thing more tacky than frugality is exposed pale upper-thigh." —K.S.
Sophisticated Anti-Cancer Devices: $3,104 "No matter that these are virtually indistinguishable from the hats one can purchase every few blo...
Sophisticated Anti-Cancer Devices: $3,104 "No matter that these are virtually indistinguishable from the hats one can purchase every few blocks at the street fairs that plague our once great city; we assure you, these are better." —S.B.
Sporty Accessories: $5,542 "Obviously I don't play golf (too strenous), so these seem like a good way to get rid of unwanted guests: 'Here, ...
Sporty Accessories: $5,542 "Obviously I don't play golf (too strenous), so these seem like a good way to get rid of unwanted guests: 'Here, try these out; there are eighteen holes in our backyard.'" —K.S.
Vintage Compass: $6,500 "Perfect for when you get lost wandering around the grounds of your property." —S.B.
Modest Transportation: $19.5 million "The Jitney was booked." —Us
A Giant (Rented) House and Vintage Land Rover: $315,000 "We just wanted a few things that were comfortable. Come join us!" —Us
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