Vulture’s Oscar Knock-Knock Jokes

The Oscars are only ten days away! All season long, we’ve been providing you astute coverage of all the major races to make sure you sound super knowledgable at your Oscar party. However, smart alone does not a great party guest make. You need jokes! So I created these foolproof knock-knock jokes about each of the Best Picture nominees, guaranteed to make your friends laugh all through the ceremony — as well as every time they knock on or answer a door.

Gravity 

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Soyuz.
Soyuz who?
Soyuz given up hope? Just turn off the oxygen and listen to a foreign dog.

The Wolf of Wall Street

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Leonardo.
Leonardo who?
Leonar—do’h! The argument over celebration of excess versus social commentary may lose me an Oscar!

Her 

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Alan Watts.
Alan Watts who?
Alan Watts up with this obscure philosopher weaseling his way into my relationship?

American Hustle   

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Interrupting Richie DiMaso
Interrupti—
[Phone to the face.] 

Philomena 

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t realize you could yodel, Philomena. Did you teach that to your son — oooh, wait, sorry, sore subject. 

Dallas Buyers Club 

Knock knock
Who’s there?
McConaughey.
McConaughey who?
McConaug-hey, you gonna eat that? I’ve been starving myself since preproduction.  

12 Years a Slave 

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Chewitel.
Chewitel who?
Chiwetel-ling a knock-knock joke about a slavery movie would be in bad taste. Instead, let us have a respectful discussion about this important film.

Captain Phillips 

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Hanks.
Hanks who?
Hanks to me, Captain Phillips is Oscar bait, not some February Liam Neeson movie. 

Nebraska 

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who’s there?
Forte.
Forte who?
Forte knocks is what it takes to wake those old parents of mine.