Argo 2 and 15 More Insane Cannes Posters
At the Palais des Festivales at the Cannes Film Festival, some of the most acclaimed films in world cinema unspool in front of glamorous, moneyed audiences clad in couture. Underneath the Palais, however, you’ll find the Marché du Film, where posters tout some of the wildest direct-to-video schlock imaginable, hoping to snag the eye of some tiny, forgiving indie distributor with a penchant for the films of Tara Reid and Dolph Lundgren. As is our yearly tradition, Vulture braved the maze of the Marché this morning to bring you some of the craziest posters on display. Click on through for a look at the insane movies up for grabs, and can someone please get in touch with Ben Affleck’s lawyer?
I was going to write a funny blurb here, but it's impossible to outdo the IMDb plot summary, which reads, "In the last 10 years neither Tibi Balo...
I was going to write a funny blurb here, but it's impossible to outdo the IMDb plot summary, which reads, "In the last 10 years neither Tibi Balog nor his crew have got any smarter … but the time when they need to face their weakness has come. So when they get a mission to obtain an interesting floppy disk, they turn to an expert. Maybe now they can get to Malibu. But of course the gypsy mafia, Japanese assassins and the slovakian army will have a word in this." Yes, that's exactly what I thought Argo 2 was going to be about. Sold!
Ben Affleck, after you consult your lawyer, can you have him do a consult with Marvel? (Truly, though, I have always wondered what Thor would look lik...
Ben Affleck, after you consult your lawyer, can you have him do a consult with Marvel? (Truly, though, I have always wondered what Thor would look like with Nick Carter's hair.)
Seems heartwarming.
"A millionaire dog isn't cool. You know what's cool? A billionaire dog." Who can forget that instant-classic line from Justin Timberleash in...
"A millionaire dog isn't cool. You know what's cool? A billionaire dog." Who can forget that instant-classic line from Justin Timberleash in The Social Netbark? (I'm sorry.)
This title may be the ultimate mistranslated humblebrag.
Add a single digit (and a Manic Panic–streaked Avril Lavigne), and you'd have the early '00s rock biopic of our horrible, horrible nightmares.
I'm still unclear on what it is I'm not supposed to kill (my vibe?), but I do know that Dolph Lundgren is serving Equinox ad-campaign realness, and I ...
I'm still unclear on what it is I'm not supposed to kill (my vibe?), but I do know that Dolph Lundgren is serving Equinox ad-campaign realness, and I am here for it.
You're at a cocktail party, and a beautiful woman asks what you do for a living. "I'm a director," you reply. "My poster was at Cannes....
You're at a cocktail party, and a beautiful woman asks what you do for a living. "I'm a director," you reply. "My poster was at Cannes." You coughed intentionally while saying the word "poster," and it was garbled enough that the beautiful woman still leans forward, intrigued. "What was your film called?" she asks, stirring her martini. "Uh, Pieta in the Toilet," you answer plainly. There really was no cough long enough to cover for that one.
Literally perfect, change nothing.
Jesus Christ, Tommy made you a fucking dinosaur and you're still gonna narc on him?! Kids today.
Women! All they do is nag and stab people in the neck with hypodermic needles, am I right?
John Cusack and Adrien Brody look thrilled that Jackie Chan was able to snag them in the utter prime of their careers for this historical epic.
Stop looking into my soul, poster!
One thing I would like to say in the lederhosen zombies' defense is that if you look at this attack from their side, it actually makes a lot of sense....
One thing I would like to say in the lederhosen zombies' defense is that if you look at this attack from their side, it actually makes a lot of sense.
Who is this new young ingenue, "Jennifer Jason Leigh," discovered by Quentin Tarantino to star in his upcoming movie Hateful Eight? Has she ...
Who is this new young ingenue, "Jennifer Jason Leigh," discovered by Quentin Tarantino to star in his upcoming movie Hateful Eight? Has she been in anything else I might know … like, from the past 30 years, maybe? I must look into this.
And here we are with the grandaddy of the Crazy Cannes Poster genre, showing these other young'uns how it's done. (The answer? It is done with Frankie...
And here we are with the grandaddy of the Crazy Cannes Poster genre, showing these other young'uns how it's done. (The answer? It is done with Frankie Muniz.)