The 25 Worst Ways to Be Killed by Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger has killed somewhere around 500 people during his 40-year film career, gleefully trading in bedlam and bloodshed while spitting out one-liners the way Josey Wales hawks out tobacco-laced saliva. Over that time, Schwarzenegger’s means of disposal have become increasingly creative: When Arnold kills men (or machines) (or, occasionally, women), he kills them real good. Here’s a showcase of his gnarliest, most resourceful work.
He punches up your innards and steals your clothes. (The Terminator)
He stuffs you into a shuttle and launches you into a billboard of yourself. Corresponding bon mot: "That hit the spot." (The Running Man)
He scalps you with projectile garden tools. (Commando)
He impales you with a steam pipe. Corresponding bon mot: "Let off some steam, Bennett." (Commando)
He divorces you. Corresponding bon mot: "Consider that a divorce." (Total Recall)
He screws you. He literally screws you. Corresponding bon mot: "Screw you!" (Total Recall)
He looks you up in the phone book, shows up at your door, and then shoots you. (The Terminator)
He dangles you from a rising lift, subsequently tearing your arms off when you hit the ceiling. Corresponding bon mot: "See you at the party, Ric...
He dangles you from a rising lift, subsequently tearing your arms off when you hit the ceiling. Corresponding bon mot: "See you at the party, Richter!" (Total Recall)
He splits you from the groin up with your own chainsaw. Corresponding bon mot: "He had to split." (The Running Man)
He plays chicken with you. You lose. (Last Action Hero)
He snaps your neck and puts a silly hat on your dead body. Corresponding bon mot: "He's dead tired." (Commando)
He wraps barbed wire around your neck like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Corresponding bon mot: "Here's Subzero, now plain zero!" (The Running...
He wraps barbed wire around your neck like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Corresponding bon mot: "Here's Subzero, now plain zero!" (The Running Man)
He blows up an ice-cream truck, causing a flying ice-cream cone to stab you in the back of your head. Corresponding bon mot: "Iced that guy. Cone...
He blows up an ice-cream truck, causing a flying ice-cream cone to stab you in the back of your head. Corresponding bon mot: "Iced that guy. Cone of phrase." (Last Action Hero)
He cuts the gas line on your flamethrower and throws a flare at you, blowing you up. Corresponding bon mot: "What a hothead." (The Running M...
He cuts the gas line on your flamethrower and throws a flare at you, blowing you up. Corresponding bon mot: "What a hothead." (The Running Man)
He shoots you in your explosive glass eye. Corresponding bon mot: "No sequel for you." (Last Action Hero)
He crushes your head in a freezer door. (Eraser)
He pulls the pins out of grenades hanging from your tactical vest and pushes you into an elevator full of your friends, blowing you all up (but preser...
He pulls the pins out of grenades hanging from your tactical vest and pushes you into an elevator full of your friends, blowing you all up (but preserving the elevator). (Eraser)
He parks your limo on train tracks while a train approaches. Corresponding bon mot: "You've just been erased." (Eraser)
He utters just so many horrible puns while freezing you. One of many corresponding bon mots: "Everybody, chill. Chill. Chill." (Batman &...
He utters just so many horrible puns while freezing you. One of many corresponding bon mots: "Everybody, chill. Chill. Chill." (Batman & Robin)
He impales himself on a statue of Saint Michael after you've possessed him in an attempt to destroy the world. Corresponding scream: “Aghhhhhh!” (End ...
He impales himself on a statue of Saint Michael after you've possessed him in an attempt to destroy the world. Corresponding scream: “Aghhhhhh!” (End of Days)
He shoves a thermonuclear battery in your mouth. Corresponding bon mot: "You're terminated." (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
He shoots you with a gatling gun from the back of a school bus. (The Last Stand)
He fires the missile from which you're hanging through the remains of an office building and into a helicopter full of your inept cronies. Correspondi...
He fires the missile from which you're hanging through the remains of an office building and into a helicopter full of your inept cronies. Corresponding bon mot: "You're fired." (True Lies)
He breaks a tank full of alligators, setting them loose on you. He then shoots the alligator for good measure. Corresponding bon mot (directed at alli...
He breaks a tank full of alligators, setting them loose on you. He then shoots the alligator for good measure. Corresponding bon mot (directed at alligator): "You're luggage." (Eraser)
He tells you he'll be back. Then he comes back. (The Terminator)