It’s likely if you’re of legal drinking age, you don’t know who whippersnappers Victoria Justice and Gregg Sulkin are. Victoria comes to us (mostly) from Nickelodeon, where she worked on Zoey 101 before starring in Victorious alongside Ariana Grande. You may recognize Gregg Sulkin as Liam from MTV’s Faking It. They are 22 and 23 years old, respectively — a fact that will no doubt trouble you as you watch them crawl on the floor and take off their shirts. Cough.
Battle 1: Victoria Justice’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart†vs. Gregg Sulkin’s “I Believe in a Thing Called Loveâ€
Who’s your character, Victoria? Are you a lively sprite? A tortured stripper? A sexy lover? There are dance moves conjoined with crawling moves that make no sense. Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse†is maybe the go-to karaoke song, and this choice just makes her feel younger than she already is. She should have gone with a song from her era, like Cassie or something. Double G, meanwhile, picks a song he likely listened to while coming of age in England. But the most important thing is that he seems less self-conscious about the performance, so we’ll give it to him.
Winner: Gregg Sulkin, by an accent.
Battle 2: Victoria Justice’s “Hot in Herre†vs. Gregg Sulkin’s “Milkshakeâ€
Well, we’ve already lowered our standards for this second round, so we’re happy to report that this is a better effort overall — if only because Victoria manages to look more effortless. But we’ve got to hand it to Gregg. He’s charming, even when he’s dripping with milkshake. Plus, he has the abs of a 23-year-old.
Winner: Gregg Sulkin, by a roll of saran wrap on the floor.
Overall: We’re giving this to Gregg Sulkin. We see some charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent inside of you.