You’ve got to hand it to Wicked City. The show certainly paid for the rights to use lot of ‘80s songs. Just a bunch of ‘em, really crammed in there. That’s about all you have to give it credit for, though, because everything else in ABC’s new serial-killer drama is as by-the-book as it comes. Does a cop say “Whaddaya got?†as he ducks under yellow caution tape to approach a dead woman’s body? He does. Do they refer to this woman as “our girl� Of course. Does it pass the Bechdel test? Ha, of course not.
Ladies, be careful out there: You might get stabbed to death while fellating a serial killer’s flaccid penis. What a way to go, on network TV, of all places. Your dead body could be subject to a “postmortem party,†as helpfully described not even ten minutes into the plot. Your head could wind up in a box on a table. Your name could be “Karen McClaren†(Taissa Farmiga), as if that is not the Rural Juror of names. Also, don’t fall into the thrall of a seedy dude who promises to help you (Ed Westwick). He is a murderer! Or if it’s the other seedy guy who promises to help you, he is a cop! The cop is Jeremy Sisto, and you don’t cast Jeremy Sisto to be “nice, helpful, upstanding cop.†So. Be careful either way.
Gentlemen, be careful out there: You might have to listen to crapola lines, like “Don’t give me your Constitution crap!†while Jeremy Sisto assaults you. You might struggle to achieve an erection with a living woman — unless she agrees to, like, act dead (Erika Christensen) — because you had a single mom and you’re a serial killer and you wear necklaces.
Quick, make a list of the other rote aspects of serial-killer stories: Our lead detective is haunted by his past; one cop is a careerist, out-for-himself type; there is a wife and she’s being cheated on; one of our characters is a nurse in the white uniform and everything; and, yes, there are the faces of the previous victims ominously tacked up on a bulletin board. Let’s pontificate about the killer’s state of mind — what he thinks about when he kills. There’s a reporter, but get this: She is maybe too close to the case?
ABC is claiming Wicked City will be an anthology series, with a new premise each season, but we’d all be better off if Wicked City had a newer premise right now for this season. Westwick’s sleazy preening is fun for a little while, and Farmiga’s giving way more to her determined-reporter role than is written, but that does not an entire show make. The biggest sin here isn’t blow-job murder. It’s how boring that blow-job murder is.