Stephen Colbert Retires ‘Stephen Colbert’ and ‘The Word’ for Good, Births Legally Separate Entities ‘Stephen Colbert’ and ‘The Werd’

After ten years of performance art that likely had Montaigne himself questioning the nature of the self, Stephen Colbert has been having a hard time letting “Stephen Colbert,” host of The Colbert Report, go. Last week, it seemed like he finally found a solution: Don’t bother. Turns out, the resurrection of “Stephen Colbert” was short-lived, however, since last week’s stunt apparently earned Colbert a load of angry corporate lawyers reminding him that he doesn’t own “Stephen Colbert” or his segments. So, that’s the end of that. Happy trails to you, “Stephen.” (Oh, also, “Stephen Colbert” happens to have an identical twin cousin named “Stephen Colbert” who does this thing called “The Werd” where he rants on a theme. Between the election and the sweeps plot where “Stephen Colbert” turns evil and seduces the wife of “Stephen Colbert” by pretending to be “Stephen Colbert,” November is gonna be busy, phew.)