Earlier today allegations started rolling in that Rihanna, one of our premiere musicians and fashion icons, cannot wink correctly. “I’ve seen Rihanna wink before,†you might be thinking to yourself. “In fact, the woman winks all the time. Almost too much!†Ah, but that is where you have truly proven yourself a fool. All this time, Rihanna has been using her charm, vocal ability, and business accumen to distract us from the fact that she is just blinking. Twitter user @NotAgainBen (also known as BuzzFeed UK employee Ben Henry) broke the story earlier today:
Is that really the end? It is not. Other users were quick to point out that, while infrequent, RiRi does occasionally come through with a full, complete wink, though it might appear to the casual observer that she is fighting every fiber of her being, and at least one of her eyes, to do so. Even @NotAgainBen concedes a Rihanna mostly-wink:
So it seems the question is: what level of eye-closing do we demand in our celebrity winks? Does 75 percent eyeball closeage negate a solid effort? Is it enough that Rihanna herself believes Rihanna can wink, a conviction she clearly has considering the number of winks she’s tossing out on a daily basis? If you reduce the quandary down to its most basic elements, the question is not, “Can Rihanna give a full and proper wink?†but “Should we make her?†Just like the beautiful Georgiana in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Birthmark,†perhaps Rihanna’s inability to wink is the imperfection that makes her human. By demanding that she shed her flaw, we will destroy her. Or not. It could just be a weird eye thing or something.