Hear ye, hear ye, a royal decree: The King and Queen of Hollywood have abdicated! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt — the former couple known as Brangelina and now known as the destroyers of true love — are no more. On Monday, Jolie filed for divorce from her husband, ending a decade-plus reign that spawned several little princes and princesses. Long live … nothing! Everything’s dead. Before the royal funeral procession commences, we as a kingdom must first predict who will be their rightful heirs. R.I.P., Brangelina, there’s a new crop of A-list celebrity couples now coming for your crowns. Below, we assess their odds at ascending to Brad and Angie’s throne.
Next in Line: Beyoncé and Jay Z
Length of Relationship: 8 years married; together since at least 2002
Odds in Their Favor: Together, they’re a billionaire couple. Even independently, they’re unstoppable. Bey and Hov are also maybe the most-watched husband and wife of our time, and they don’t even have a reality show. (Imagine.) They also have a little princess of their own — born of one of the most-documented pregnancies ever — who’s just started making red carpet appearances. We’ve seen their relationship evolve from the early 2000s to what it is now (that’s a longer lifespan than Brangelina), at the height of their stardom so far.
Odds Against: Lemonade.
Second to the Crown: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Length of Relationship: 2 years married; together since 2012; unknowingly in love for at least a decade
Odds in Their Favor: They’ve already got a legendary ship name (Kimye), so that’s sorted. Not to mention a fairy-tale wedding, two of the most adorable kids on the planet (suck it, Jolie-Pitts), and they’ll never lack for drama.
Odds Against: People hate them.
So Close: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend
Length of Relationship: 3 years married; together since 2007
Odds in Their Favor: They redefine #relationshipgoals. Also, hello, baby Luna!
Odds Against: They just need a bit more time — and maybe a few more music videos — to cement their A-list-couple status.
The Rest of the Royal Court
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
Length of Relationship: 11 years married
Odds in Their Favor: Sure, yes, lately Bennifer 2.0 has been looking a lot like a car crash in slow motion now that they’ve put the brakes on their divorce proceedings. But try to remember a simpler time when Ben and Jen were just two kids in love on the set of a superhero movie. Just watch the exact moment she fell for him; that spark’s still gotta be somewhere in Affleck’s lighter.
Odds Against: They’re basically in the middle of a divorce.
Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn
Length of Relationship: 33 years as partners
Odds in Their Favor: Just when you think they’re gonna tie the knot or fall apart, these two pillars of unwedded bliss just keep on truckin’ as is. Their love will outlast us all, together or not.
Odds Against: They’re not exactly the talk of the town.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Length of Relationship: 19 years married
Odds in Their Favor: Have you seen their children, Willow and Jaden? They’re cool as hell.
Odds Against: Is America ready to bow down to a not-exactly-polyamorous relationship? For the sake of our Angelina Jolie throuple fanfic, god, we hope so.
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick
Length of Relationship: 19 years married
Odds in Their Favor: SJP is already technically a queen.
Odds Against: They’re kind of a yawn, sorry. Have they ever both stood out on a red carpet? Nah.
Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson
Length of Relationship: 28 years married
Odds in Their Favor: They’re Hollywood romance royalty. Just look at ‘em!
Odds Against: If it hasn’t happened yet, it’s probably never gonna happen.
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi
Length of Relationship: 8 years married
Odds in Their Favor: It’s about time the gold standard of love wasn’t so damn heteronormative.
Odds Against: Too low-key.
Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy
Length of Relationship: 19 years married
Odds in Their Favor: Adorable on any red carpet and quite the powerhouse couple, but …
Odds Against: … alas, just not high-profile enough.
Courtney B. Vance and Angela Bassett
Length of Relationship: 19 years married
Odds in Their Favor: He’s got the hottest chick in the game wearing his chain. And she’s Angela Bassett, so.
Odds Against: Sometimes we forget they’re a couple.
Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan
Length of Relationship: 7 years married
Odds in Their Favor: They basically turned their love story into a franchise, you can’t beat that. They’re also not afraid of a striptease!
Odds Against: They’re on uneven levels of fame.
Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz
Length of relationship: 6 years married
Odds in Their Favor: Oh c’mon, just look at them. They bickered in Vicky Cristina Barcelona with more passion than a Mr. & Mrs. Smith sex scene.
Odds Against: They don’t seem all that interested in the crown, judging by the lack of public appearances.
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
Length of Relationship: 34 years married
Odds in Their Favor: They recovered from a shocking separation, a show of faith in long-lasting love that this kingdom desperately needs right now.
Odds Against: Again, they did just recently separate.
John Krasinski and Emily Blunt
Length of Relationship: 6 years married
Odds in Their Favor: They’re an international couple, so that right there is a strong sign of unity. Plus, have you seen the way they look at each other? We’d all melt.
Odds Against: They’re still mid-ascent in their individual careers.
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel
Length of Relationship: 4 years married
Odds in Their Favor: They really know how to work that homebody aesthetic.
Odds Against: It would just feel like a troll.
Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis
Length of Relationship: 5 years as partners (three engaged)
Odds in Their Favor: Just think how chill this kingdom would be under their rule.
Odds Against: They’re maybe too chill.
Chris Pratt and Anna Faris
Length of Relationship: 7 years married
Odds in Their Favor: He’s like a goofball Brad Pitt, and she might as well be a funnier Jennifer Aniston. That marriage didn’t work either, but this one’s (hopefully) built to last. Also, their son is too precious not to be adored like a Jolie-Pitt kid.
Odds Against: They’re seriously lacking in the drama department (good for them, but lame for us).
Already Semi-Royalty
Barack and Michelle Obama
Length of Relationship: 24 years married
Odds in Their Favor: If America had a monarchy, they’d already be sitting on the throne. Also, Barack and Michelle are the prototype of black love; so much so that there’s a film about their first date. Brangelina’s first date technically happened while filming, so they’re even!
Odds Against: You know what? They’re only the president and First Lady for a few more months. Nothing’s left to stop them from A-list domination after that!