The Best Trump Jokes at the 2017 Emmys

Donald Trump: You can’t live with him, and you can’t have a live telecast without joking about him. With Stephen Colbert at the helm for the 2017 Emmy Awards, it was only natural that the late-night host would acknowledge Trump in the cold open, and then in his opening monologue. “If we’re honest with ourselves — and as artists, I think we have to be honest with ourselves — we know that the biggest TV star of the last year is Donald Trump,� Colbert said. “And however you feel about the president, and you do feel about the president, you can’t deny that every show was influenced by Donald Trump in some way.� But it wasn’t all media-studies analysis: There were insults! Shade! And plenty of fodder for Donald Trump to tweet about Monday morning.

• From Stephen Colbert’s opening monologue:

— “And we all know the Emmys mean a lot to Donald Trump. Because he was nominated multiple times for Celebrity Apprentice but he never won. Why didn’t you give him an Emmy? I tell you this. If he had won an Emmy, I bet he wouldn’t have run for president. So in a way this is all your fault.�

— “I thought you people loved morally compromised antiheroes. You like Walter White. He’s just Walter Much Whiter.�

— “But he didn’t. Because unlike the presidency, Emmys go to the winner of the popular vote.�

• Unemployed man Sean Spicer assured Stephen Colbert that the crowds were huge — yuge! — telling Colbert, “This will be the largest audience to witness an Emmys, period, both in person and around the world.�

• “Imagine if your president was not beloved by Nazis.� — Julia Louis-Dreyfus as her Veep character Selina Meyer from the cold open

• “[Winston Churchill’s] life reminds us what courage and leadership in government really looks like.� — John Lithgow during his acceptance speech

• From the Westworld parody:

Jeffrey Wright: “Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?�

Stephen Colbert: “Every day since November 8.�

• James Corden to Seth Meyers: “That thing you said about Trump being bad! Agh! So good.�

• Alec Baldwin during his acceptance speech: “All you men out there, you put that orange wig on, it’s birth control.�

• During the 9 to 5 reunion:

— “We refused to be controlled by a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.� — Jane Fonda

— “In 2017, we still refuse to be controlled by a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.� — Lily Tomlin

• “We did have a story line with an impeachment, but we abandoned that because we were worried that someone else might get to it first.� —Julia Louis-Dreyfus on Veep

• Veep showrunner David Mandel also thanked “the Trump White House� in his acceptance speech for Best Comedy Series.

• “I want to thank Trump for making black people no. 1 on the most oppressed list. He’s the reason I’m probably up here.� — Donald Glover