As you probably know, an intrepid sex-toy company by the name of XenoCat Artifacts designed a dildo inspired by The Shape of Water’s fish-man’s penis, or at least, what they imagined it would look like. (If you didn’t know that … sorry?) When actor Doug Jones signed on to play director Guillermo del Toro’s humanoid amphibian lovebird across from Sally Hawkins, he probably didn’t anticipate everyone asking him what he thinks about the fact that we can now all buy a replica of his character’s genitals from the comfort of our pervert’s den. Turns out, it’s not Jones’s favorite thing in the world. “With a light chuckle, I can tell you it’s not exactly what I’d hoped for,†Jones told the Wrap with regards to the sex toy. “I’ve actually had several real action figures made of my creature roles in the past — all done in good taste.†Said the Hellboy actor, “After pouring my heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears into this romantic, beautiful, magical role, the last thing I want to be remembered for is a silicone appendage that comes in two sizes.†The shape of water, indeed.
Besides, the truth is Guillermo del Toro weighed in on said-same dildo this weekend and apparently it’s not even correct. “I’m sure Dunkirk doesn’t have that problem,†del Toro joked about the sex toy after the Wrap’s screening of his film this weekend. “I don’t think it’s an accurate representation. It’s some form of fan art … I guess.†And you know that guy has a fully functional model somewhere, so let’s not pretend he doesn’t get the ultimate say-so.