All the fans in the world couldn’t cool me down after last week’s Liza and Charles lovefest, and then they have to go and show us our Queen and King behaving like ADULTS and KISSING while wearing SWEATERS and talking about PASTA? Sometimes this show is just too much for my tiny heart to take, like when Liza and Charles start flirty texting about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They are living the dream right there.
But not everything in Liza and Charles Land is dreamy. Trying to keep their relationship a secret while Charles deals with his divorce and avoids the scandal that comes with a CEO dating an assistant is causing some problems.
Kelsey and Liza are considering a memoir from an ex-editor who struggled with addiction for the next Millennial acquisition. The book is good, but Kelsey knows the author and he’s a dick — so she calls up Redmond, the only lit agent in New York, to tell him they’re passing. Redmond isn’t pleased, but when is he? That guy’s the best. The issue comes later: Liza and Charles decide to take their show to a very secluded, dark restaurant where they are sure they’ll never be discovered.
They are immediately discovered.
Redmond walks in and recognizes them. I’m pretty sure someone as savvy as Redmond would know exactly what’s going on, but instead he buys their very flimsy story about Liza bringing Charles a manuscript to read while he eats high-end cuisine alone in a very dark restaurant. In their obvious panic, Liza calls Charles Mr. Brooks which … is kind of hot? Of course the only manuscript Liza has in her bag is the one by Redmond’s client that Kelsey just passed on. Liza leaves to keep up the ruse, but Redmond is all over Charles. This book will win awards! This book will change lives! Give Book a Chance!
Charles does just that. The next morning, Kelsey gets blindsided by the news that Charles has already told Redmond he’s buying the book for Millennial. It seems very un-Charles to buy the book without talking to Kelsey, especially since he knows she already passed, but here we are. Kelsey is pissed. And when Liza confesses everything — that she’s the reason Charles got his hands on that passed-over manuscript and it was because of their secret affair — oh boy, Kelsey is ready to crack some skulls. But she chooses being passive-aggressive in a meeting with billionaire businesswoman Quinn Tyler (Laura Benanti) instead of violence. Quinn is there pitching her sure-to-be-a-best-seller Claw, about how sisterhood is detrimental to women and the only way a woman gets ahead in life is by looking out for number one. It is the perfect topic for Kelsey to get some digs in on Liza. Kelsey is nothing if not extra and this is why we love her. I am, however, extremely sad to report that Younger had Sutton Foster, Laura Benanti, Miriam Shor, and Hilary Duff in a conference room together and did not let them sing. It is one of the greatest travesties of our time. Except for, you know, all the real-life travesties.
Kelsey then goes and does something pretty terrible — she asks Charles for a whole lot of money to buy Quinn’s book, and when he balks, she asks if she should have Liza talk to him about it “over dinner or after dinner.†You guys, this is some straight-up bullshit — it’s not like Kelsey’s love life has been on the up-and-up in regards to mixing business and pleasure. The girl still has some major growing up to do, but know that I am always here for Kelsey’s attempts to be dramatic and cutthroat even though she clearly is not.
As is tradition, all of the drama comes to a head at the Glamour Magazine Women of the Year awards gala. Lauren, Kelsey’s self-appointed publicist (Kelsey will totally put her on retainer soon), has gotten Glamour to give Kelsey the Maverick Award and all of Empirical is there to celebrate. The show also commits a heinous crime by telling us that Allison Janney will be introducing Kelsey and then having her cancel at the last minute. Do not dangle Janney in front of us only to rip her away, Younger. That is, how do the kids say it, not cool.
So Kelsey is getting an award, but she’s also getting a dose of reality from Charles and Liza. Charles tells her that he’ll give her the money for Quinn Tyler’s book, it’s an obvious move, but he also makes it very clear that if she acts this way again, it won’t turn out so well; this is his business, in every sense of the word. Meanwhile, Liza is still trying to convince Kelsey that she will always have her back. She reminds her (and the audience, let’s be honest), that much like the Hilary Duff classic, Liza wanted to come clean, but agreed not to because she didn’t want to hurt Kelsey and Millennial’s chance at success. This feud should be so yesterday, you know? Furthermore, if Kelsey is asking Liza to choose between her and Charles, Liza will choose Kelsey every single time. It might be the most moving declaration of love on this show.
So when Kelsey gets up there to accept her award (she introduces herself, thanks for nothing — but also everything —Janney), her speech is all about how she couldn’t have done anything without Liza. They are a team. They are better together. Sisterhood is alive and well once more.
Post-awards, Liza and Charles have a quick chat to set some relationship ground rules. Charles should know that Kelsey is a priority for Liza (he does), and Charles tells Liza that he needs to keep their relationship quiet for a little longer. The more secrets, the merrier, right? Liza agrees to keeping things under the radar, even though the internal logic on this whole thing feels a little shoddy. Still, they seem very, very happy together. Something will surely come along to ruin this in no time.
It’s Trout Season
• Diana gets a call from Kelsey’s “publicist†Lauren about getting drinks and talking shop. Simply referring to someone as Kelsey’s publicist makes Diana throw up a little in her mouth. Still, it’s a good thing she does because after Lauren briefly meets Enzo, she recognizes him from an old porno she used to watch. And there’s no denying it — the goose honk noise Enzo makes when he climaxes, which we’ve now all heard and can never unhear, gives him away.
• The plot is ridiculous, but it does lead to a very nice Diana and Enzo moment in which he reminds her that he’s in his 40s — so he comes with baggage. Only Queen Miriam Shor could utter the line, “I know how you come, and it’s not like anyone else,†and make it both saucy and loving at the same time. I am all in on these two and if we don’t get a Diana Trout wedding by the end of the series, well, what are we even doing here?
• Don’t you think it’s time we met Diana’s ex-husband?
• “While it is lovely to be called diva, that’s the only value-add you bring to the table. I like you but I don’t need you.†YES, DIVA.