Every year since 1993, The Literary Review takes on the strenuous task of publishing the worst sex writing of the year. Amidst a barrage of end-of-year lists, theirs is singularly tragic and horny. For this, we thank them for their service. But if you can’t quite make it through their full short list, we’ve assembled the worst of the worst for your enjoyment.
1. “Blinding breathless shaking overwhelming exploding white God I cum inside her my cock throbbing we’re both moaning eyes hearts souls bodies one.†—Katerina by James Frey
2. “Again and again, semen poured from me, overflowing her vagina, turning the sheets sticky.†—Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami
3. “They stay in this position for a long time, Anna sucking and slurping with the same lazy persistence you’d use on a gobstopper or a stick of rock.†—Kismet by Luke Tredget
4. “He sucks at a nipple as he lies on a bed, and it’s eighteen years later, and he sucks at a nipple as he lies on a bed, and his childhood falls away from him like a burned-out booster stage from a rocket.†—Connect by Julian Gough
6. “Cum inside me.†—Katerina by James Frey
5. “Her sex, though, had contracted around mine, and would not let go.†—Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami
7. “Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey.†—Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp by Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan
8. “Soon I was locked in, balls deep, ready to be ground down by the enameled pepper mill within her.†—Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp by Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan
9. “Cum.†—Katerina by James Frey
The winner will be announced on December 3. Until then, justice for the Horny Beto tweet!