Maroon 5’s performance at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show was safe and very unmemorable — the obvious VIP was Squidward and Squidward only! But the breaking point for most viewers came when Adam Levine, feelin’ himself in the heat of the moment, slowly stripped off his shirts to finish the set in half-naked glory. It was … whatever … with the bulk of social media and postshow reviews reiterating the glaring double standard of Levine, a heavily tattooed man, being able to waltz away from his premeditated striptease while Janet Jackson, whose breast was accidentally exposed during her 2004 halftime show with Justin Timberlake, faced substantial blacklisting and career damage as a result of hers. And viewers agreed! Per Deadspin, who collected every halftime show complaint to the FCC thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, the vast majority of complaints stemmed from viewers either appalled by Levine’s nipples, or annoyed CBS would allow nudity after how shittily they handled the Jackson brouhaha. First, please bask in the glory of viewers being very unaroused by Levine in general:
“I witnessed the exposure of nipples during the halftime show of the super bowl. My children were watching. If I wanted them exposed to the trash I would let them go hog wild on pornhub.†—Indiana
“Do it really need to be Adam Levine? Think of the children! Think of the future of our country! Agggggghhhhhhhhh!†—Massachusetts
“I am stunned that I was forced to watch a topless man gyrating and gesticulating during the show.†—Illinois
“Hi I am writing because I am upset about the half naked stripper on stage of the halftime show. That was unnecessary.†—California
“Fine Adam Levine for him exposing his nipple and for horrible singing.†—Virginia
But, yeah, also know that out of the 94 submitted complaints, they pretty much all looked like this:
“Either fine Adam twice as much or apologize to Janet and reimburse her!!!†—Oregon
“When Janet Jackson showed her nipple, the FCC had a shitfest. FUCK the FCC.†—Virginia
“The FCC chose to levy a $550,000 fine against CBS for Janet Jackson’s breast/nipple exposure and the same thing needs to happen in this case, lest you appear to display hypocrisy and double standards.†—North Carolina
“A breast is a breast. Janet Jackson got a fine for unintentionally showing one of her breasts. But Maroon 5 can stand half naked!!! This is outrageous!!†—Florida
“How come when a black woman does it, it isn’t for the family but it’s okay if some tattooed white guy does it it’s okay?†—California
“I want him banned, just like they did Janet.†—Idaho
Too little too late. Jackson has better things to think about now.