Let’s put something to rest right this second: I have had enough of this “we do not deserve [insert good fun thing here]†and “[such-and-such] is too good for this world†internet-speak. You know who would never say that? Cher. And Cher would never want you to say that, either. So how could we ever refuse an opportunity to share with you this incredible achievement in television history, this three-minute justification for why Technicolor even exists. Thursday night, on what was apparently the America’s Got Talent finale, Cher was a one-woman embodiment of the show’s title when she surprised audiences with a joyous performance of ABBA’s “Waterloo.†Terry Crews introduced her as “a Grammy-winning singer, an Oscar-winning actress, an Emmy-winning TV star, and a fashion icon,†which, we’re watching you, Tonys! Do the right thing and make it an honest EGOT! Then Cher came out looking like a sugar-plum goddess in her plunging-neckline bell-bottom jumpsuit and reminded us what happiness feels like for the first time since the “Super Trouper†segment at the end of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again. (To fans of lesser films, this is the equivalent of Al Pacino performing a Godfather Part II monologue during the season finale of America’s Best Dance Crew.) Ever the populist, Cher performed this same number — with the same bespangled Rainbow Brite backup dancers and everything — for a room full of celebrities and VIPs at this year’s Met Gala.
Fun-fact corner: Speaking of the Met Gala, did you know that about a week after Cher performed “Waterloo†in the S*ckler Wing’s Temple of Dendur, the Met finally announced that they will stop accepting gifts from the Sacklers? Cher’s impact.
The performance is made all the more fun by the quick cuts to the panel of Simon Cowell, Howie Mandel, and Julianne Hough, all looking like a council of Bond villains. And to top it all off, there are glitter cannons. Glitter cannons! Cher also gave this charming interview, where she says she once held a plank for five minutes (“It’s a bitchâ€) and that she loves Wii Tennis. (“It’s an active game, you’re running all over the place, I like it.â€) If Wii Tennis and planking are Cher’s fitness regimen, then we’d like to offer our thanks to Nintendo.