You, yes you, are personally at fault if Big Willie’s Pizza shuts down in the next few days. Because every time you lube up to watch a group of sisters order an extra-large sausage pizza or a bachelorette party customize a thick meaty sub, knowing full well that the sexy deliveryman will never receive money, you’re part of the problem. The owner is behind on his mortgage payments! His 1120 tax form will be all over the place thanks to those unpaid meals! “You’re terrible,†he finally tells his beefy employee (J. J. Watt). “Every delivery takes an hour and then you need a nap. And more importantly, you haven’t brought back a dime yet.†It’s also not great that he comes back smelling like “shellfish and karate class†all the time. If earnestly supporting local businesses is so extra, extra hard to do, then maybe — ugh, maybe Vulture is part of the problem, too.
SNL Begs Us to Consider the Business Consequences of Pizza-Delivery Porn
