King of corny lyrics, Drake, dropped a whole mixtape full of them Friday, securing his claim on the throne. Drake started out this quarantine with a son reveal and an Architectural Digest mansion tour. Now, he further requests your attention with Dark Lane Demo Tapes, a mixtape featuring recent releases “Toosie Slide,†“Desires,†and “Chicago Freestyle,†among others. Frankly, in times as uncertain as these, it’s good to know one thing will never change: Drake’s goofy bars. Right now, we’re not looking for Drake to weep about a woman he hurt or start beef from afar. All he needs is a little one-liner and a good beat. But that doesn’t mean he’s excused from a good clowning. Here are some of the funniest, most cliché, galaxy-brain bars from Drake’s Dark Lane Demo Tapes.
“Deep Pocketsâ€
“Inspired by a few, but my mind really drives itself like Tesla.â€
Wow, a glimpse inside a genius’s mind.
“Chicago Freestyle†(feat. Giveon)
“Waiter brought the check for the meal / She said, ‘Babe, I think there was a typo’ / Nah, girl, I got it, that’s light though / I could show you bigger things than that.â€
This interaction undoubtedly took place at the Cheesecake Factory.
“Toosie Slideâ€
“Petal off a rose like I love her not, maybe not.â€
Drake’s lyricism really jumps out when he’s rejecting women. You’ll see.
“Desiresâ€
“How you goin’ vegan but still beefin’ with me again?â€
In “Desires,†a song in which Drake can’t comprehend why women would want anyone other than him, he hits them with not one but two corny bars. 3OH!3 already gave us “T-tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef / That I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him,†so thanks but no thanks, Drake.
“You believe in angles more than angels.â€
Instagram hotties, do not let this Drake bar deter you from your passion.
“Landedâ€
“Wrote this with a Cartier pen. Do I sound different? Yeah, yeah.â€Â
No.
“And I bought that girl a shovel ’cause she gold-diggin’, yeah.â€
At least he knows he gave them the tools. Every potential wife in the world knows there’s a stash of Birkin bags waiting for her in Drake’s closet. She deserves them — she works hard!
“Lossesâ€
“Like I’m tryna show the waves, this is no cap.â€
Drake, please, no — we can’t swim!
“I do it for the Grahams, not the ’Gram.â€
Astonishingly, this is the first time he’s used this. Kudos for restraint.
“It was always you and I without the T-Y.â€
Leave it to Drake to quote a black female icon. We’ll let it slide for Queen Latifah. Stream “U.N.I.T.Y.â€!