Chrissy Teigen is opening up about her pregnancy loss in an essay posted to her Medium page. “I had no idea when I would be ready to write this,†she begins. Teigen was candid about her lost pregnancy at the time, posting photos of herself in the hospital with husband John Legend to Instagram on September 30, along with a note about the experience. “To our Jack — I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive,†she wrote on the Instagram post. “We will always love you.†In her new essay, Teigen thanks fans for their support after the experience, writing, “After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness.â€
Teigen went on to explain that she had been on bed rest for a month ahead of her pregnancy loss, after being diagnosed with a partial placenta abruption. Eventually, she went to the hospital after her bleeding increased. “After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye,†she wrote. “He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.†She then explained her decision to have pictures taken from the experience. “I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,†she wrote, adding that Legend “hated it. I could tell.†Teigen continued, “I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.†She went on to address those who criticized the photos. “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done,†she wrote. “I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.â€
She concluded with another message to her supporters. “I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so,†Teigen wrote. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.â€