Honestly, there’s really nothing productive I can say right now other than we are in a holding pattern, and you, like me, are probably also holding your phone waiting for some push alert from a news outlet to give us all answers. (Good answers? Bad answers? Really a mixed bag today.) But since you are already holding your phone, here’s something you can do that might kill a whole four minutes on this (and every future) excruciatingly long day. You can watch some TikToks. Yes, they’re about the election, but also they’re good! A nice distraction if you can only think about the election, and want to still be thinking about it, but also maybe for a fleeting moment want to have a laugh. A very, very dark laugh.
A TikTok for if the cousins, aunts, and uncles you hide from at Thanksgiving posted that poem on Election Day. Honestly, maybe send this to them if you really want to live a little.
A TikTok for if you’ve never seen two pretty best friends. And also know anybody in Virginia and West Virginia.
A low-view TikTok because I’m a musical-theater dork, and this incredibly obvious joke still did it for my broken brain, and I’m in charge of this list so it makes the cut.
A TikTok for all your rage about Florida. (Sorry if you live in Florida. For legal reasons, this is a joke.)
A TikTok for if you’ve been watching Pennsylvania results until your eyes bleed.
A TikTok for if you thought it was extremely stupid they boarded up Sweetgreen.
A TikTok for if you need to feel a little tiny iota of hope in democracy. (Dangerous. Watch at your own risk.)
A TikTok that is mostly just stolen tweets, but those tweets are funny, so the TikTok is also funny.
A TikTok for if Twitter has liquified your brain. (If it hasn’t, stop reading this and throw your phone into the sea while you still can.)
A TikTok for if you just want to watch something extremely dumb but still good.
So glad this will definitely all be over soon!