The latest must-have limited-edition celeb collab isn’t a mixtape. It isn’t a fashion line. It isn’t even a Happy Meal. It’s Chromatica Oreos. Yes, the phrase “Chromatica Oreos†sounds like Don Draper’s coked-up 2020 grandson just threw darts at a board of proper nouns and hoped they got a marketable match. But they’re real, and they’re made of colors that do not look like they should be ingested by the human body. On December 2, Lady Gaga posted a video to Twitter in which she lounges in bed with one of her Frenchies as she is presented with a shiny pink package of Chromatica Oreos, the way an ancient Grecian senator’s mistress may have once been presented with a bunch of grapes. Stefani holds the package up to catch the light before tearing it open and pulling out a sleeve. “They decided it was a good idea to have a, um, Chromatica Oreo, which is a pink cookie with green filling,†she says. She holds an Oreo up to the camera but definitely does not put it in her mouth.
According to Today, the Chromatica Oreos are just regular-degular Golden Oreos with Planet Chromatica colors and embossments. It is frankly both lazy and psychotic that they did not make these “Sour Candyâ€â€“flavored. They have the technology!
Oreo announced that at some point today, it will launch a “Lady Gaga Oreo Stan Club†site to receive early, free cookie access. Furthermore, on December 15, it will launch a “Sing It with Oreo†sweepstakes with Lady Gaga prizes to be won. There is no official release date set for this edible cash grab, but it will be available in mini six-cookie packs beginning in January. We’ll hold off on eating them until the coronavirus vaccine comes so we can eat these Oreos as they were intended: crumbled over spaghetti at Joanne Trattoria.