Quick, get your buddies from the Justice Department on the phone. Bonus points if they have access to a closet of sparkly ball gowns. During the Monday premiere of the newest Bachelorette season, Michelle Young handed a contestant his ass when it was revealed he commissioned and/or co-wrote a detailed ledger about how to become the most popular guy on the show. (And also to woo her in the process, we guess.) We’re not talking about a few note cards of basic Young facts; there were pages and pages and pages of intel about how to game the franchise and which previous contestants he should emulate, but his logic is flawed thanks to a series of research errors: He spells “Bachelorette†wrong on the folder and thinks it’s a good idea to behave like … Blake Horstmann? The Stagecoach bum? Here’s a sampling:
“When watching The Bachelor, it’s hard not to notice that these quotes are said at least every season or every episode for that matter.â€
“The biggest fault is that you’re overconfident, arrogant, and it’s a massive turnoff to people, you come off as mean and demanding, better to just keep those thoughts to yourself and express a positive outlook to others.â€
“Who to emulate from the show: Jason Tartick, not your typical Bachelorette contestant … business as a financial adviser.â€
“Here are a few phrases that have been repeated over the years.â€
The contestant, who we’re told goes by the name Ryan, was sent home before the rose ceremony, evoking memories of middle-school detention.