Ostensibly, Madonna went on The Tonight Show last night to promote Finally Enough Love, her upcoming compilation album that Jimmy Fallon kept trying to steer their conversation back to. But really, this was a test run for Madonna’s upcoming takeover of The Tonight Show. Madame X as a late-night host? Taking her own advice, Madonna expressed herself early in the appearance. “God forbid, if you were sick — and even if you weren’t sick — I would host the show,†she said. “I think maybe you should take a break for a week.†The “Material Girl†quickly had the whole audience on her side, to Fallon’s chagrin. “We could have fun,†she told them.
“We always have fun,†Fallon replied shyly. “No, but we could have more fun without you,†Madonna clarified. “You’re like the dad that we can’t have fun with.†Her idea of fun? Lots of dirty words (including what seemed to be a portmanteau of comfortable and cunt that really put the NBC censors to work) and — on that topic — making her guests feel comfortable (unlike Fallon, who slipped up and said she had bad teeth). But Madonna’s not just coming for the host’s chair. When Fallon brought up her teaching herself to drum to musical guest Elvis Costello’s songs, Madonna turned her focus to Questlove. “I don’t wanna make you feel bad,†she said, turning down a chance to show off her skills. “But one day, let’s have a showdown, throwdown, hoedown.†In the meantime, enjoy Madge and the Roots teaming up to perform “Music†with classroom instruments.