Negroni Sbagliato, Nora Ephron’s Heartburn salad dressing, an egg-yolk omelette. These could be normal, non-triggering foods for many people. But for those of us in the celeb-news trenches, they have much more significance. For some ungodly reason, Vulture has been thrown into a Food Week. Every other celebrity story has had one weird food-related detail, something that makes you go “What?†and also “Should I try that?†Emma D’Arcy revealed their favorite cocktail was a variation on the Negroni, and the bartenders of TikTok despaired at all the aperitif in their waste buckets. Apparently, nobody explained to the terminally online that Campari is bitter, and so is every cocktail derived from it. Then we learned that (allegedly) Olivia Wilde makes a “special†salad dressing that played a pivotal role in her breakup with Jason Sudeikis. Then the owner of NYC’s Balthazar said that James Corden sent back an all-yolk omelette because his wife detected trace particulates of albumen. It wasn’t lost on us that this is most of a meal. A before-dinner drink, a hearty salad, and a cheese-forward omelette for the entree. As critic Angie Han noted on Twitter, all that was missing was a scandal-ridden dessert.
There’s no real way of telling where the next chaotic celebrity food story will originate, but that won’t stop us from wildly speculating. Here are our best guesses for what trifle will complete this feast of nonsense.
The Try Guys Try a Feud With Eeyore
After parting ways with Ned Fulmer, the Try Guys attempt to get back to their “comfort viewing†brand by doing another Eat the Menu video. This time, Keith eats everything at Disneyland. But when Keith gets to the Matterhorn Macaroon, he is accosted by the only Ned Fulmer stan left, who happens to be playing Eeyore that day. Numerous theme park livestreamers capture the Eeyore-on-Habersberger beatdown, and the fallout somehow leads to Ron DeSantis once more calling for the eradication of the Reedy Creek Improvement District in Walt Disney World.
GBBO’s at It Again
Trying to recover from Mexican Week, The Great British Bake Off does an all-cupcake, zero-controversy episode. Unfortunately, the producers don’t notice that they’ve arranged all the cupcakes to form the shape of a penis, which is prominently displayed for all of judging. Memes abound.
RHOSLC Drama at Swig
After a raucous panel at BravoCon and a drama-filled Ultimate Girls Trip, Whitney Rose and Heather Gay continue their around-the-world beef at beloved dirty soda chain Swig. The housewives begin a war of Postmates attrition, sending each other the grossest milk+soda dessert drink concoctions their twisted little minds can think of. Only months later do we all realize this was spon-con.
A Midnights Snack
Taylor Swift goes live on TikTok and bakes a lavender olive-oil cake with Joe Alwyn in promotion for Midnights. The Swifties are convinced that every detail of the live video has been planned and rehearsed, and that Tayla has embedded clues as to which album is getting rerecorded next in the recipe. Two cups of all-purpose flour? That can only be a reference to track two of 1989, “Blank Space,†and its reference to rose gardens, a.k.a. flowers. The part where she sifts the flour by shaking it through a mesh strainer? “Shake It Off,†obviously. When Joe cuts himself chopping the lavender? Could there be a more overt “Bad Blood†reference?