SNL Shows Us What a Hallmark Slasher Movie Would Look Like

While Hallmark has already cornered the market on cheesy Christmas movies, Saturday Night Live this week imagined what it would look like if the network tried its hand at a slasher flick. In the trailer for A Stab at Love, Kelsey (Chloe Fineman) returns to her small town of Autumn Hollow from the big city, where she reconnects with her “high-school crush turned hometown killer� Mark (Nate Bargatze). “The only thing female viewers like more than romance is murder,� the voice-over says. After their meet-cute in which a masked Mark shows up in Kelsey’s kitchen to stab her, he woos her with his tool shed filled with bloody knives, but in true Hallmark fashion, things take a turn when Kelsey’s big-city fiancé shows up. “I don’t even know if I want to kill you anymore,� a heartbroken Mark says. “Just go back to New York, there’s plenty of people to kill you there.� Ultimately, Mark proposes to Kelsey with a ring on a severed hand. “Only on Hallmark, where ‘boo’ means boyfriend.�