The holiday season is about giving, family, and major December studio-movie releases, in that order (unless you’re Jewish, in which case the order goes the other way around). This year, jolly old Saint James Cameron has delivered on all of those counts with Avatar: The Way of Water, a $250 million movie he made in between deep-sea-diving expeditions. The sequel comes 13 years after the original film was released in theaters and enters a totally different media landscape ruled by streaming and existing IP. Many viewers will need refreshers on Avatar lore, as recalling the 2009 film can feel like describing a hazy, fucked-up dream. However, there are people who walk among us who are actual hard-core Avatar fans, who know their direhorses from their viperwolves, have a few Na’vi phrases memorized, and can tell you what the whole thing with the braid-sex is all about. (The scene in which they have sex with their hair was edited out of the 2022 theatrical rerelease. Cinema is dead.) To celebrate the next chapter in Cameron’s weird spacey story, here are 13 gift ideas for the Avatar-head in your life.
This candle doesn’t just smell like the fictional planet of Pandora; the scent is a “replica of aroma from Avatar Flight of Passage at Disney’s Animal Kingdom,†so it smells like a theme-park ride that smells like the fictional planet of Pandora. This is seen as an asset to nerds. This scented candle was “created especially for Walt Disney World Resort,†so your giftee can feel as if they were at Disney without spending $3,000.
This blue-forward makeup collection inspired by the “bioluminescent colors of Pandora’s land and sea†is vegan and made of recycled packaging and, therefore, thematically fitting with Avatar’s whole conservationist deal beyond just being shiny. The entire set is a whopping $120, but individual items in the collection range from a $9 luminescent lip gloss to a $40 palette with colors such as Tulkun Celebration, Cove of the Ancients, and Unobtanium. The full set also comes with Na’vi-blue body paint for a full alien illusion.
“Stepping into Pandora? Make sure you’ve got some jewelry that’ll blend in with the Na’vi!†So reads the product description for these braided and beaded bracelets from Hot Topic. There’s a “buy two, get one free†jewelry promotion going on there right now, so you can also pick up Neytiri’s choker and a replica Jake Sully bracelet.
This blue two-tone tee featuring alien sea life splashing in the moonlight looks like something you would have picked up on a family trip to Sea World Pandora in 2002.
One thing the Na’vi and people who celebrate Christmas have in common? A big glowing tree. Give this adorable minty-green banshee to a loved one to hang on their own Tree of Souls this holiday season.
This remote-controlled replica of the akula — a whalelike creature in the new movie — swims around in the water and can go into glow-in-the-dark mode.
Tony the Tiger has found his fellow sexy humanoid cat people on Pandora, and he’s given them an offering of his very best refined-sugar breakfast food. As one five-star review says, “Awesome collaboration, just needs marshmallows and a toy.†As another says, “This is my new Kranch.â€
Reclaim yellow contact lenses from Johnny Depp cosplayers and put them to better use. To the Avatar fan in your life who’s going for gasps.
In Walt Disney World, in Disney’s Animal Kingdom, in Pandora — The World of Avatar, in the Windtraders gift shop, there’s an experience called the ACE Avatar Maker. For $79.99, an “Alpha Centauri expedition scan technician†will scan your face and create a figurine of your own personal avatar. It’s like those American Girl dolls that are made to look like their owner but somehow even creepier. If you can’t make it to Orlando, the next best thing is sending a photo to this person on Etsy, who will make a custom image of your avatar-sona.
Indoctrinate your nieces and nephews into Avatar fandom from a young age with these perfect stocking stuffers, which are meant to look like mossy space rocks and crack open to reveal one out of 24 figurines. It’s just like mining for unobtanium!
Avatar: The Way of Water will be released in select theaters in “variable frame rate†format, and those who are unequipped for it will simulate the effects with 3-D. That high frame rate is guaranteed to make some moviegoers hurl, so give your friends and loved ones the gift of a vomit-free theatrical Avatar experience with Dramamine! Just make sure to go for the nondrowsy version because this movie is three hours long.
“Save the Whales†used to be a slogan seen on bumper stickers, novelty shirts, and posters everywhere in the 1970s and 1980s. If Avatar: The Way of Water sparks talks of whale conservation in your household, buy everyone some vintage tees on eBay and make a donation to an aquatic-wildlife-conservation NGO to offset your guilt about online shopping.
Trend forecast: Water will be huge in 2023 as The Way of Water storms the box office. Get ahead of the trend and buy everyone you’re celebrating with a bottle of the wet stuff. I recommend Saratoga Spring because it comes in Na’vi blue.