Every week, I come here and beg Debbie to keep her composure. We all hope Debbie will find some restraint as she falls head over heels in love with Tony. Then, tonight, we had to watch Tony lick chocolate off Debbie’s cleavage, and I realized our girl was gone for good. In her interview, she makes it very clear how much she wants Tony to … ravage her. Debbie doesn’t use any sort of classy language, however.
At the same time, I can’t blame her! Tony showed up correct! He had a drawer ready for her. Not only that, he bought her lingerie and clothes. He had food in his fridge! This is the gold standard of 90 Day treatment. And, hey, it’s not like Debbie has young kids at home who might see this one day. Colt is a grown man who will just have to accept that his grown adult mama wants to be licked like a lollipop (I’m sorry).
Even if these two lived in the same city, I’d still think they’re moving at a fast pace. Tony introduced Debbie to his friends, so it’s not just about sex for him. But they’re so smitten with each other that you’d have to be evil to root against them. Debbie isn’t even speaking in ifs anymore. She’s saying “I will be moving here in a few weeks.†Debbie is all over the place, though. She has an emotional side that Tony hasn’t experienced in person. Tony must have an idea, though, because Debbie has called him during every breakdown she’s had over the past few weeks.
Natalie meets Josh’s ex-wife and son this week and follows in Debbie’s footsteps — not in a moving-too-quickly way, just in a “hiding all of her true emotions†way! Maybe Natalie really does like Josh, because she’s doing her best to be good around Candace, who is absolutely adorable. Natalie can’t hide that she is intimidated, but she takes the time to tell Candace that she isn’t like Josh’s other girls while also snooping for all the background info she wants on Candace. When Candace brings up Natalie’s age, the Old Natalie would’ve picked a fight right there. New Natalie just glares behind her giant sunglasses. She pushes that anger down and will certainly unleash it on Josh later. Natalie really just needs security from Josh, but she pushes that to ultimatums.
Honestly, I almost feel for Natalie! Her insecurities are fair, and Josh is obviously a fuckboy. It’s possible he’s reformed and he’s an ex-fuckboy, but I think he’s using her for the show. Natalie is looking for real love, and she was already swept up in this franchise. At this point, her journey feels more believable than that of Vanessa, who is more like the friend of a main 90 Day person: She has always been great because she’s a realistic source of reason in the madness. I think she really likes Jason, but the producers are pushing her to pursue any drama she can find.
During their Bang-Trip Weekend (trademarked by Vanessa), Jason reveals that his ex-wife and kids might move to Florida — so he might have to move to Florida. Jason could’ve brought this up earlier and there probably wouldn’t have been a Bang-Trip Weekend. But it does feel like Jason only recently started having this conversation and is telling Vanessa as early as he could! They’ve been on only a few dates, and this Bang Trip was her idea. Should he have said “no†because he might move a few months from now? Not that I like Jason. I’m totally Team Vanessa on this one. She’s gorgeous, and he reminds me of Sid from Toy Story.
Then there’s Caesar, who goes on his final matchmaking date in Ukraine. His final date is the youngest, at 34, and, unlike his other dates, speaks almost no English. Do these barriers get in the way for Caesar? Absolutely not. In fact, he mostly seems attracted to the fact that they can barely understand each other and she’d probably be dependent on him in America. Caesar is also impressed that the girl immediately holds his hand and shows him attention. The bar is on the floor for him, I swear. To his credit, Caesar is treating this like a serious decision and tells us he isn’t just going to rush into picking any girl. He’s going to put a lot of thought into it before picking the girl most likely to put up with him.
There’s no Tiffany or Tania this week, which points to my theory that Tania doesn’t have much else to do because she’s still in love with Syngin! If Tania is really gone for good and they just brought her around to yell about a guy’s tattoo, that’s hilarious. And, well, Tiffany was rocked by one kiss last week, so I doubt we’ll see her dating multiple guys. At least someone is taking it slow this season.
90 Day Notes
Debbie, like all great moms, watches true-crime shows all day. I’m happy she has some senses up around Tony. Still … a few “successful†evenings and she could be his next victim.
You can see Natalie trying to calm herself down when Josh’s ex says she’s older than the usual women he dates.
“You gave me the hard part.†I hate Tim’s voice. Sorry. I think he’s trying hard to sound apathetic. He clearly wants the gossip. Also, it’s pathetic Tim can’t cook! You’re a grown man!
We should’ve played a game in which we drank every time Vanessa said “Bang-Trip Weekend.â€
I don’t think Candace is a threat to Natalie at all.
It’s wild to consider that most of these relationships are only three or four dates in at this point and they’re acting like the stakes are so high.
• When will Caesar’s season of The Bachelor: Ukraine be over?