We’re close to the end of this season, but “Back to the Wood†makes it feel like we’re finally getting to the action! So much happens, and we didn’t have to deal with Veronica’s fake drama with Justin. Instead, we get right to the drama that matters: Will Colt blow up over Debbie moving to Canada? Is Mike’s mom going to destroy Natalie as soon as she gets to Sequim? Has Caesar given his Ukrainian girlfriend any money? For once, the producers stop with the cliffhangers and get to the conflict.
Well, almost. Obviously, we are waiting for the inevitable scary reunion between Mike, Natalie, and Mike’s mom, but they tease us here. First, we check in with Mike, who updates us on a few important things: His mom has moved in with him, and he still owns the pet rat that Natalie made him buy. That’s big news, since every viewer of Happily Ever After assumed that rat was dead after Natalie stopped feeding it almost a season ago. But no, Mike is still being a good guy who takes care of the things and people he loves — that just happens to include Natalie’s mom. When war broke out in Ukraine, Mike sent money so she could escape. This is the excuse Natalie has used to come into his life once more to cause havoc.
Now, we all know if Josh told Natalie he was going to visit an ex whom he gave money to, she would flip out. Josh knows all about Natalie’s trip and doesn’t seem to care. He understands they have a connection and respects it. Rather than see it that way, however, Natalie views his lack of jealousy as a sign that he no longer cares. It’s a prime setup for Natalie begging Mike to take her back, but her motive is so fake. She has been demanding Josh have a baby with her, but she knows Mike doesn’t want kids at all. Mike will never give her the future she wants, but he is the key to her green card staying valid. Hopefully, Mike’s mom keeps him from falling for her nonsense.
Debbie seemed ready to take on any nonsense Colt threw at her this week! Tony comes down from Canada to help her pack, and it’s time for him to meet the evil spawn. Debbie warns him that Colt is a child who may throw a fit, but she wants Tony to play it cool. Tony says he’ll defend his woman if Colt tries anything but eventually agrees to get up and leave if shit hits the fan. I’ve doubted Tony and Debbie, but this is how I know he truly cares for her. You couldn’t stop me from roasting Colt if I were in his position. Tony must really care for that woman.
Colt, Vanessa, Debbie, and Tony mostly have a boring dinner. Debbie explains that fate brought them together, and Colt asks zero questions about Tony or who he is. Instead, he shares in his individual interview that Tony is “nothing like his dad,†even though he doesn’t know Tony at all! Debbie and Vanessa had a falling out since Colt moved out, but Vanessa is mostly polite and quiet. Colt tries to start some mess by pointing out that it’ll be hard for Colt and Debbie to fix their relationship if she’s in another country, but Debbie is ready for it! She’s like, “Whatever, kid, come visit!†I love seeing Debbie finally stand up for herself!
Maybe Tiffany could learn a lesson from Debbie, because that girl has been struggling since she ended things with Broke Fabio. I will give her credit — she does go on a new date this week with a very boring man named Dan. And horseback riding is a very brave first-date choice! I know so many people who are afraid to ride horses, but she went for it! Dan is a teacher and comedian (red flag), but I worry Tiffany is already rushing things. Before the date, she says she doesn’t expect everyone she goes out with to be the love of her life. But by the end of her date with Dan, she’s asking if he wants to be a stepdad. Slow down!
To make things worse, her ex-husband, Ronald, pops in for a video chat with his kids — or, really, kid. Daniel seems tired of pretending that man is his stepdad. Ronald uses it as an excuse to hit on Tiffany and make her feel guilty. She plays it off well enough, but you can tell she has considered taking him back. When she said she still has feelings for him, I was screaming for her to get up! He has fooled you too many times, girl! That man will easily find love with someone else, because he’s a mean narcissist — don’t fall for it! At least she knows she needs to focus on healing.
Tania also needs to focus on healing, but instead, she decides to start dating women as a distraction. She matches with a woman who is the opposite of everything Tania stands for. She is southern and white — like, real southern and white. Kentucky southern and Boston white! (Tania is a free-spirited hippie who believes in healing potions.) They might both be anti-vaxxers, though, so maybe they have that in common. To her credit, Tania’s date is very nice and normal! She brings a picnic basket and a kite so they can have fun. She tells her to relax and sympathizes with Tania’s first-lady-date jitters. What does Tania do? She brings her mini-vibrator! High hopes, Tania.
90 Day Notes
• I was so happy to see that Mike kept that pet rat alive. I was sure it was bear food by now. I loved that his mom said Natalie’s IQ is “about as big as a fart.†I still don’t think she called Natalie a hooker, but that is a great insult. Anyway, we’ll get to this confrontation next week.
• No Veronica this week! Yeah!
• Tiffany’s flirty joke was so corny, but she’s cute.
• I love that Tony didn’t even try to come for Colt and sat back and let Debbie handle it. Did you notice Debbie and Tony had barely finished their food when Colt left? Felt rude. Debbie still had a whole steak.
• Can I really fault Tania for bringing a vibrator on a first date? Can’t say I haven’t been there.
• Caesar is back in his zone — taking care of women’s feet to feed his fetish. At least he’s working again, so sending Alona money won’t be hard.