Below Deck has seen some truly awful characters over the years, but I’m convinced that Kyle might be in the top three worst of all time. Picking up right where we left off, Jessika is baffled by Kyle’s behavior after his meltdown directed at her. Kyle continues bitching to Tumi about how he’s hurt by what Jess said (which wasn’t harmful at all, by the way) since he’s done nothing but supposedly try to help her. The devil works hard, but Kyle works harder — not at his actual job, but at being a drama queen who manipulates and bullies his co-workers.
Meanwhile, in the galley, two guests check in on Jack and get excited when he shares his dinner plans. This attention makes Jack feel like it’s Beatlemania and he’s the fifth Beatle. Whatever helps him sleep at night. Max is equally mesmerized by the women and even lets them explore the crew area and his cabin, where they discover a Taoist sex book he’s reading. Max isn’t sure if he’s allowed to do this, but he doesn’t really care because “C’est la vie!â€
While the guests jetski, Jess attempts to talk to Kyle, who immediately barks at her to “get out of my face.†Still, she tries to explain how she didn’t have bad intentions, but Kyle cuts her off to accuse her of being “malicious as hell.†He adds that his heart is “sore†because he thought she was there for him since the beginning. Sir, it’s not that serious. You’re a grown man, so act like it for once in your life. Jess knows continuing this conversation is pointless, so she walks away and breaks down while Tumi comforts her on deck. I can’t help but feel for the girl.
Tumi tries temporarily fixing the problem by having Jessika work service with her while Kyle and Nat take care of housekeeping. However, I’m side-eyeing her for not reprimanding Kyle for his nasty behavior because she feels the need to approach him like a toddler who’s “30 going on 3.†The issues persist since Kyle has the distinct ability to never shut the fuck up and therefore complains nonstop about how Jess is acting, implying later in the day that she’s someone who thinks “they deserve the world without even first gaining their experience.†Does he know that Jess was hired because of her second stew experience?
Checking in with the fairly unproblematic deckies: It seems like Luka’s positive reinforcement of Max is working because everyone seems to tolerate and like him much more now. Lara even says he’s growing on her because he’s a “good person with a good heart†who also reads. I’m also impressed that Max got his shit together quickly, but maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to look like a fool in front of the ladies.
Before dinner, Luka and Max are tasked with wearing waistcoats while shirtless for the requested booze cruise. During the tender ride, Max gets carried away and flirts with and puts his arm around one guest, Leni. At the same time, Captain Sandy finally returns from the hospital and informs us that she’ll have to wear a brace for five weeks since her wrist is fractured but that it won’t affect her ability to operate the boat. I love that she’s still blissfully unaware that her interior is imploding.
Crossing the line seems to be a trend in this charter, as Jack also disobeys Sandy’s direct orders. He joins the group for dessert, as requested by the primary, and they beg him to take a shot with them. Tumi says it isn’t allowed and refuses to bring him a drink, but Jack gives into the temptation and happily downs one guest’s shot in front of Tumi, admitting to the producer that he knows he fucked up. Afterward, Tumi tells Jack that he needs to fess up to Sandy before she finds out some other way, and she’s right. Sandy hates people who break the rules, but she hates people who aren’t honest even more. He ultimately makes the right decision the next day, and Sandy easily forgives him (after joking that he should pack his shit up) because she appreciates his integrity.
While the casino night party is in session, Kyle tells Tumi he doesn’t feel well and then lays down on the salon floor. She and Lara tend to him while he has an anxiety attack and cries about how he’s tired of all the drama, like Natalya’s relationship, until Nat comes upstairs to help. In a confessional, Kyle shares that he feels the same way he did when he had depression while working on his first yacht four years ago. Once he feels better, Kyle returns to his normal self and sends the interior group chat a text thanking Tumi and Nat for their help. The message also reads, “Breaking point has been reached officially. I can no longer obtain any personal life matters from anyone.†All of this over the pettiest stuff … I can’t with people who spend their days talking shit about others but can’t handle it when the roles are reversed.
The next morning, the text remains the topic of conversation when Natalya points out to Jess that it was a “dig†at her and that he doesn’t have a right to say out-of-pocket stuff about Jess. Jess agrees that it’s bullying and brings it to Tumi’s attention, but Tumi shuts it down as having only been about his panic attack, which Jess wasn’t aware of. Tumi then talks to Kyle, and they come to the conclusion that Natalya is the root of the problem. “She loves to poke her nose in other people’s business and think that she knows better,†Kyle tells us. It’s funny to hear this coming from Kyle because he’s describing himself, too. The call is coming from inside the house!
Once the guests depart, Kyle finally becomes stable enough to hear Jess out. She tells him she never meant to say anything maliciously and that after seeing his reaction, she’s learned to think before speaking. Girl, you’re not the problem; it’s just that Kyle misinterprets every little thing. Kyle then says he would’ve expected Nat to run her mouth but that he felt betrayed by Jess since he’s the only person who supports her. They eventually make up and agree that Natalya is a shit-stirrer, which means Nat is back to being public enemy number one. I literally rolled my eyes watching her fall for Kyle’s BS again. My takeaway is that Jess is easily manipulated, and she should know better by now.
At the crew night out, Kyle, Jess, and Tumi gush about how glad they are to have moved past the drama. Jess even points out that she loves Kyle’s “authenticity,†which, LOL. Natalya relatably watches this like, “What the fuck is happening?†In a confessional, she remarks that the new trio of besties are the least genuine people she’s ever met. Nat is over it and briefly returns to the boat, where she vents to her boyfriend about how homesick she is and how she hates her team before returning to hang out with them at the bar.
There, the crew invites the charter guests to join them, and soon enough, they’re all getting trashed. Max is reunited with his crush, Leni, and they make out while he tells her they’re Romeo & Juliet 2.0. How romantic! Remember when Kyle fell head over heels in love with a charter guest last season? Meanwhile, Lara makes it her mission to make out with as many girls as possible, and she successfully does so by kissing ten. Color me impressed. Also, on the romance front, Luka has shifted his attention from Nat to Jess, telling her in a bathroom stall that he isn’t interested in Nat anymore since she has “too much baggage†while Tumi listens in on the convo. They make their way back to the bar and kiss in front of everyone. I think I just cheered out loud. This is a boatmance I can fully get on board with, even if it means having to witness another Natalya outburst.
Back on the boat, shit goes down once again after Max starts talking about how an S for straight should be included in LGBT. Kyle tells him that straight people have no place in the acronym but that he can still be an ally, and this turns into an argument over inclusion. Just as I was warming up to Max, he reminded us that he’s a complete dumbass. Luka was right when he said that his mind is probably like a cartoon.
Natalya eventually chimes in by saying that everyone should be accepted in a community, which ticks Kyle off. He starts going off on her, and she counters that he shouldn’t talk to her with the tone and attitude he’s using. Kyle practically hovers over the table and yells at Nat to focus on her “own fucked up life†because she’s a “fake-ass bitch†who’s been talking shit since the start of the season. Whew! These people are a handful. Next week, another dreaded installment of the Kyle and Natalya show arrives. In the meantime, I’ll be manifesting that they get thrown overboard pronto.