The honeymoon phase is over, and the producers finally got us hellish guests.
I have to laugh when these guests — who are paying a heavily discounted price for the cost of being filmed — act like total fucking snobs. You’re on reality TV! You chose to be on reality TV to pay less; you’re not as elite as you think you are! Especially if you’re caught smoking cigars backward after proclaiming in your preference sheet that you are a cigar aficionado. Embarrassing!
That being said, the beachside BBQ must have been Bravo wreaking havoc on these guests because there is no way they pulled up to that beach and decided it was the soft and sandy, picture-perfect beach the guests requested. It was not secluded, it was covered in trash, and I hate to admit it, but the guests were right: It resembled a dirty campground. Did they deserve it? Absolutely. Was it one of the worst beaches I’ve ever seen in this franchise? Without question! Two things can be true at once. Captain Sandy also handled their complaints like a champ, saying that rocks are out of their control (true!) and that St. Lucia isn’t known for its beaches (I’m not sure if this is true, but sure!).
I knew from the second these drunk-ass guests started chanting “I am hungry” over and over again that we were in for something special. Like, you can be hungry before lunch is served, but you were also told that lunch would be served at 3 p.m.? And even though I am sure Rachel could have made her food spicier, the way the guests react to her food is truly despicable. The primary’s wife asking Fraser for a paper napkin to spit out her chorizo is mind-blowing. You know you’re just drawing more attention to yourself, right? But also she’s giving Karen Huger, so I lightly respect it. The other guests enjoy the meals (save for their first lunch), and Rachel handles their criticisms gracefully. My biggest complaint about service? Camille calling queso fundido “queso fondant” and referring to tri-tip as “dry tip.” I mean, really?
Yes, Camille is fully on the interior now, and no, no one from the deck is missing her. In fact, they don’t even notice she’s gone because she contributed nothing while “on deck duty.” Fraser and Captain Sandy say Camille is putting in the work; Alissa, not so much. I do think Camille knows when and where to be busy, and I’m sure a degree of it is performative, but I’m not sure Alissa is the most diplomatic judge of that. Hayley is probably the most impartial, and for that reason, we’ll never learn what she thinks. She’s off playing 3-D chess while the rest of the cast is playing checkers.
Now that Camille is gone, Ross and Ben are picking on Tony and his slow-moving work ethic. They blame his fatigue on his early-morning workouts. Have they ever considered that maybe he’s just tired because working on a superyacht sucks? I personally think Tony is fine. He’s green. He’s not going to be the best, but he doesn’t have to be. Maybe I’m just used to deckhands who are a lot worse, so I feel grateful for someone who is competent and has a good attitude. Count your blessings, Ben and Ross!
But back to the question of whether Camille is improving. The montage of Camille lounging in the ocean with the guests post-picnic is definitely damning. She does suffer from thinking she’s a guest, as we know, but I don’t think her and Ben gazing into the sunset was that bad. They literally had nothing else to do while waiting for Ross to pick them up by tender, and downtime happens. See: Captain Sandy and Hayley doing toe touches while the guests were “enjoying” their picnic. I am, however, concerned about what will happen to this couple. They’re burning too fast and too hot, which ultimately will result only in an explosion.
Katie has a good head on her shoulders, but I still wish she would get away from Ross. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Ross is a creep and a potential liability. A lot of his behavior veers way worse than inappropriate, and I don’t want Katie to get hurt. At least she’s self-aware, which is a rarity in this franchise. “I can’t have him acting like that then sleeping with me. It makes me look like an idiot,” she admits in a confessional — 10/10, no notes.
And now it’s time to discuss Alissa and Camille’s epic blowout, which we get a glimpse of at the end of the episode, and I don’t think either of them is innocent. Hayley tells Camille she has an ironing task for her, Camille responds by saying she just “can’t right now,” and then chaos ensues. And don’t you even think for a second about involving Hayley! She has nothing to do with this! Even though I think Camille is a piss-poor worker, it takes two to tango. Alissa keeps escalating the fight, and she has to know what she’s doing when she threatens Camille with going to Captain Sandy. Obviously, Camille, the most reactionary reactor of all time, will react to that, and she does. She starts screaming at Alissa that she’s a child for her “captain comment” and tells Alissa she’s tarnishing her reputation. Camille, honey, you’re tarnishing your own reputation, but sure. The guests can obviously overhear them screaming back and forth, and so does Captain Sandy, who is mortified at their shared behavior. I don’t see how either of them wins, frankly.