The tension building throughout this episode was thick and heavy. I felt uneasy watching it; I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact, the entire viewing experience felt very similar to the one I had while seeing Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! in theaters, which I’d wish upon no one.
We pick up at Camille and Alissa’s public throwdown. Captain Sandy pulls each girl aside, asks for their side of the story, and informs them that they’ll both be fired if that happens again. In their one-on-one meetings, Alissa is much more reserved. She calmly relays what happened to Captain Sandy and manages to keep cool when Captain Sandy alleges that Camille has been doing a great job. Camille acts as if she and Captain Sandy are besties. This girl is way too comfortable. And I have to laugh because Hayley continues to be unbothered. Ironically, this fight erupted because Hayley asked Camille to complete a task and Alissa had an issue with Camille’s response. Hayley doesn’t care if Camille doesn’t get to the laundry straightaway. That’s not her problem. I agree with Captain Sandy when she validates Camille by telling her that it’s not Alissa’s place to threaten her with going to the captain. It is childish to do that. If you want to go to the captain, just go to the captain. I also agree with Captain Sandy when she says this situation isn’t being managed properly by their department head, Fraser. Fraser can’t be their bestie and also their boss. It just doesn’t work.
Captain Sandy tells Fraser she needs him to step it up and figure it out because if he can’t manage it, then maybe he shouldn’t be in his position. Fraser, luckily, takes this seriously. After two nights off, he’s made his decision. Camille is off the boat, and thank God. The girl just doesn’t give a shit! Regardless of her beef with Alissa, she’s a piss-poor worker who’s full of excuses. With mere hours to go ’til charter, Camille is off drinking Veuve Clicquot (once again, her pronunciation is baffling) with the deck team. She claims she’s completed all her tasks, but Fraser comes with receipts this time. He has photo evidence that proves she’s lying. The guest rooms are a mess, and she’s made several mistakes. She’s drunk at work. She’s got to go. Captain Sandy is proud of Fraser and confirms he’s making the correct decision despite the charter starting in three and a half hours. I am deeply, deeply annoyed that we don’t get to see Camille’s reaction to her firing. I know she’s going to go absolutely apeshit. Bravo must know they’re torturing us by splitting this into two parts! It’s working too. But haven’t we been through enough? We deserve to watch the fallout this week! Please leak the footage — I beg of you!
I hate these guests so much that I don’t even want to recap their final night. One of them claims seafood smells (grow up!), and they only leave a $20,000 tip. They stay up until five in the morning, breaking and burning shit, and prove themselves to be total cheapskates despite claiming they buy Lamborghinis without checking the price. Money talks, wealth whispers. So long to these wannabes. Next time, try Carnival.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s rewind and reflect on the cast’s night out because, even though I am relieved that Camille is finally overboard, I have a bone to pick with Alissa too. And I want to state that I am mostly Team Alissa! I’m rooting for her, but going after Katie’s man? Alissa, you’re better than that! Also what does Katie have to do with anything? Ross is disgusting! Do you really want him? Let Katie have him! Don’t make more enemies. The night starts with Camille and Alissa fighting while getting ready. I can’t even keep track of what they’re fighting about at this point. They’re in Alissa and Hayley’s cabin, so once again Hayley is caught in the middle. This time she sits silently in her bunk, sipping wine. What else could she do, honestly? Ben tries to stop the feuding girls, and Camille snaps that this has nothing to do with him. Honestly, it’s true. Ben, get out of here! The tension seems to simmer, but there’s no way that fueling this fire with alcohol will make things any better.
Alissa is a complete bitch to Camille throughout dinner. She makes snarky comments about Camille’s drinks (calling a Sex on the Beach “basic†when she herself is drinking a piña colada … look in the mirror!) and says Camille has a “diseased pussy.†Way harsh, Tai! Hayley tells Fraser that one of them has got to go because they clearly cannot coexist. While Hayley and Fraser are having a private conversation, Camille interrupts and gets in Hayley’s face. Big mistake! Huge. Now Hayley, who is otherwise neutral, is pissed at Camille. While they head off to the club, Tony heads home. Genius. The rate at which this cast drinks is concerning. We get gratuitous shots of Alissa chugging full wine glasses and, in one instance, spilling the drink all over her face. In the cab home, Alissa is drunk as a skunk and sobbing about Camille. She later admits that Camille reminds her of her dad. Let’s unpack that, maybe.
Not much else happens besides Camille and Ben fucking in the bunk above Tony, once again disrupting his sleep with their jackhammer moves. Why doesn’t Tony take Camille’s bed? Why don’t Camille and Ben sleep in a guest cabin? At least, with Camille gone, Tony will finally get a good night’s rest.
From the Galley
• I hope Rachel steps up her service in the charters to come. A three-hour dinner would piss anybody off. I do, however, want to read her version of Eat, Pray, Love, which she would title Eat, Drink.
• What are the odds Tony has a transformation TikTok account? His before-and-after body photo got me thinking …