Siri, play Paramore’s “Decode.†The solar eclipse took over the skies on Monday, and the stars back down on Earth are eating up the few minutes of darkness. Taylor Swift took a moment to plug her upcoming album The Tortured Poets Department, by giving us a sneak peek of an eclipse-related lyric—I can’t believe our solar system is also a Swiftie. The OG eclipse queen Bonnie Tyler told Good Morning America that while she’s going to miss this eclipse due to a flight, she “never gets tired†of singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart.†As people who dared to be an “Anti-Hero†and stare directly at the sun, Lorde was spotted in New York, reportedly borrowing some eclipse shades in order to harvest some solar power. Jason Derulo, who was probably tired of seeing falling memes every time a set of stairs is photographed, decided to burn his corneas or whatever happens when you look at the sun with naked eyeballs. He could’ve just muted some keywords, but alas, the damage has been done. Here’s how celebs like Derulo, Lance Bass, Andy Cohen, and more celebrated total (or partial) darkness.
Real eyes realize that the sun is messing up their eye sight
You Smoke Too Tough. Your Bare Eyes Too Damaged. Your Swag Too Different. Your Bitch Is Too Bad. They’ll Kill You.
Lance, please send this video to Derulo earlier for next time
I hope Lorde shh’ed people so she could sing “Writer in the Darkâ€
Watch what happens live when you watch the sun get covered the moon (live!)
Ok, but why is Elmo in Cohen’s comments?