Jordan Temple Has Already Won

This week, we’re highlighting 25 talented writers and performers for Vulture’s annual list “The Comedians You Should and Will Know.� Our goal is to introduce a wider audience to the talent that has the comedy community and industry buzzing. (You can read more about our methodology at the link above.) We asked the comedians on the list to answer a series of questions about their work, performing, goals for the future, and more. Next up is Jordan Temple.

Tell us a story from your childhood you think explains why you ended up becoming a comedian.
Aight, bet. I was in sixth grade, and Austin Powers was all the rage. My brain was on fire saying, “Oh, behave,� “Yeah, baby!�, “Do I make you horny?!� I think pedophiles were watching, like, It’s a trap! In any case, I did the impression of Austin Powers in school. My school had Polo Ralph Lauren as a sponsor for our school uniforms. And one day we went to the Polo Ralph Lauren offices to be cute and ask for money. I put on my charm ’cause I needed a new shirt, and I did the best thing I knew how and did my Austin Powers impression. This Englishman who worked there by the name of Paddy Byng said, “You’re a really funny young chap, I know Mike Myers. And when I see him I’m gonna tell him Jordan Temple is really funny.� I said, “Sure, random white man� and was skeptical.

A month later, my assistant principal called me into the office. Everyone was like, “Oooh!� I was like, “I’m innocent, I haven’t done anything since yesterday.� She handed me a manila envelope and said, “You better write a very nice letter.� Enclosed was a signed black-and-white glossy photo of Austin Powers on his tippy-toes, pointing with finger guns, and it was signed, “Dear Jordan, Yeah Baby!� After that, I became increasingly more annoying and didn’t stop doing Austin Powers impressions until I graduated. That was the day I became a comedian. Yeah, baby!

What unscripted or reality series do you think you’d excel at? What archetype do you think you’d be?
Survivor. I survived the public housing projects in New York City. I can survive anything. Roaches are my friends, rats are my cousins, and I’ve seen cats as big as lions. I’m not a lion. Sorry. But my archetype is rugged loner with a pretty face. Everyone at Survivor would say, “How did you learn to survive that?� And I would look wistfully into the mid-distance and mutter, “The 6 train.�

What’s your proudest achievement of your comedy career so far?
I took my mother to the Emmys. It was a nice full circle moment for my family. I was double-nominated, but it didn’t matter because I already won.

What have you learned about your own joke-writing process that you didn’t know when you started?
I learned that visualization and paying attention to my senses and being alive is already funny on some level. Being alive is ridiculous, and my interaction with those senses and how I describe how I experience the absurdity of my being alive is the joke. It’s so funny to smell something that stinks. I love to hate things that stink — places, people, things. It’s insane.

When I started comedy, I think I was trying to be too clever. I was just young — which I still am — but now I think of all the ways my senses can help me develop different kinds of jokes, whether they are clever or not. Now I try to be clever in the dumbest way possible, and also dumb in the most clever way possible. I’m also big on self-encouragement. I started writing down in the middle of my stand-up sets, “Keep going, you’re doing great� and telling the audience, “There’s no notes; all it says is ‘Keep going, you’re doing great.’�

Tell us everything about your worst show ever. (This can involve venue, audience, other comedians on the lineup, anything!)
It was definitely at the Creek and the Cave. I started there. It’s closed now, but I would fight for my life bombing several nights a week there for years. So humbling. But it made me better, I think. Performing for three people, maybe four people, heavens to Betsy, five people, then going downstairs to do the open mic to bomb some more. “Nobody knoooows the trouble I’ve seeeen / Noboooody knows my sorroooow / Nobody knoooows the trouble I’ve seeeen / Glory hallejuahhh.�

Let’s say we live in a “Kings of Catchphrase Comedy� alternate dimension where every single comedian is required to have a hit catchphrase. What’s yours and why?
“YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ME!� There’s a lot of places I could be. That’s fax, b.

Nominate one comedian you don’t know personally you think is overdue for wider recognition and why you’re a fan of their work.
There’s this comedian in Atlanta, TheMandalMan, and he is so hilarious. He does great stand-up, he looks funny, sounds funny, and wear mandals in earnest, day and night, with socks. He does funny videos, songs (gospel and R&B) — I think he calls himself R&B also, which is insane. I think he’s dropping an R&B album soon. I appreciate the true Black weirdos. I think he reps the soul of Atlanta comedy well. He’s ridiculous.

When it comes to your comedy opinions — about material, performing, audience, trends you want to kill/revive, the industry, etc. — what hill will you die on?
Shorts! You can wear shorts onstage. I think shorts should be mandatory. In fact, the longer your set, the shorter your shorts should be. Donald Glover was way ahead of his time wearing those tiny shorts. Where do you think he got all his power from? People were like, “Ew, why is he wearing those baby shorts?� Now look at him. Normalize small shorts. Lean into your power.

If you had to come onstage to just one song for the rest of your life, what song would it be and why?
Keeping with the short theme, it’s 1,000 percent Randy Newman’s “Short People.� That song is perfect. This man made a hit out of satirizing prejudice while singing in his goofy voice. I would come out and get people to sing along until the crowd started throwing tomatoes at me. That song represents the thing I’m trying to do with my career: write novel hits. It’s hard to write even one, albeit one that’s novel.

What is the best comedy advice, and then the worst comedy advice, you’ve ever received, either when you were starting out or more recently?
Best: “Keep going.� Worst: “You’re not a stand-up if you don’t do it every night.�

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