I told y’all an international trip would spice up this season; it took a minute, but the tail end of the Portugal vacation climaxed with plentiful disagreements, accusations, receipts, and “colluding.†It wasn’t as explosive as past vacations, but it’s impossible to enjoy RHOA with continuous comparisons to its golden era, so let’s take this nugget of entertainment and run with it.
My biggest gripe with this episode is that it proved that this cast is (1) holding back in front of the cameras, (2) more obsessed with the idea of being a Housewife than giving us Housewife-worthy content, and (3) exponentially more entertaining when they’re being themselves. The iPhone footage taken after production wrapped is what should have been filmed on-camera, and the proof is in the pudding: the conversations that took place because of the events of that evening were better than the rest of these manufactured story lines combined.
Thanks to Marlo and Monyetta being diligent chroniclers and getting out their phones, we’re given an inside look at Kandi and Drew’s fight, as well as Sanya, Shereé, and Marlo warning Corny Cousin Courtney about Drew. Or, if we’re using Monyetta’s words, “colluding.†When Monyetta relays what she witnessed back to the group, she says that Sanya, Shereé, Marlo, and Courtney were colluding against Drew with claims that she’s a liar. They feel Drew doesn’t truly have Courtney’s back, but they assure her that they do. Monyetta’s perspective is that the women were creating an alliance, especially because Sheree prefaced her words with “no cameras.†This is why she pulls at her phone to film so that Drew can hear them talk about how she lies off-camera, with Sheree emphasizing that Drew’s truth aversion was the catalyst for their fight on night one.
This isn’t the first or last time Drew will be called a liar — the entire cast has commented on her fabrications. Drew is an expert spin doctor, one who has trained with the master gaslighter himself, Ralph Pittman. And she was raised by a preacher, a field of work that requires an innate ability to persuade others with the power of the tongue. As a person who began acting at a young age, the lines between reality and performance seem to be forever blurred for Drew. It’s this part of her personality that prompted Kandi to roll her eyes when Drew stormed off from the table at dinner the night before.
Drew’s veracity remains in question as the saga of her kiss with LaToya continues. She treats the accusation of a kiss as if it were an illicit affair and, according to Monyetta, declares that she must “stand in her truth.†To clear her name, she texts LaToya asking for her to reply in “all truth and honesty†about whether the kiss happened. These are dramatics that could only come from a preacher’s kid who was thrown into Hollywood before puberty. LaToya responds with a dry “no,†contradicting what she said at the season 13 reunion when she herself brought up the kiss in the first place. Drew must’ve been brainstorming how to spin this once everyone retired for the night because the next day, she tells Shereé that she believes Kandi is trying to “warm her up†to the idea of kissing girls for the movie Todd is making.
The problem with using LaToya’s words as evidence that they did not “kiss mouths†(this terminology was taking me out) is that Drew has also been trying to discredit LaToya by saying that Kandi asked LaToya to lie about the kiss at the reunion. In fact, moments before Drew tries to get LaToya to corroborate, Marlo records Drew saying that LaToya is a liar and sends it to LaToya. Marlo later says she believes that Drew probably paid LaToya to backtrack on her statements. So which one is it, Drew? Is LaToya a liar, or is she telling the truth? Or is it whichever is most convenient for Drew’s chosen narrative?
To quote the Grand Dame, Kandi may be a lot of things, but a liar she is not. The closest we’ve seen Kandi lying is her trying to cover for Cynthia inviting Kenya to the Seagrams event or her telling us that Todd is five-foot-nine. And she hates being called a liar, so although no one thinks it’s that big of a deal that LaToya and Drew may have kissed, Kandi doesn’t back down and calls in the troops to put some respect on her name. She gets Kenya, Cynthia, and Shamea to all confirm that they indeed saw Drew and LaToya kiss. Drew tries to discredit Kenya, saying that she wasn’t even present downstairs during the Bolo party, though footage shows Kenya running downstairs briefly to grab something for Brooklyn. Also, if they were making out, I think Drew’s eyes and attention were otherwise occupied.
Obviously, Drew isn’t the only person in the history of Housewives to put on a front for the cameras, and the whole cast is guilty of holding back. For instance, why couldn’t Shereé, Marlo, and Sanya have this conversation with Courtney while filming? These are the real, raw moments the show has been missing in favor of scenes where the women vaguely allude to things without divulging their true feelings. We’re lucky that they’re halfway across the world and can’t escape these conversations, or else we’d be stuck with footage of them doing a sound bath and thinking about their made-up story lines.
Shereé’s quest for a holistic solution to her fibroid problem quickly unravels after the sound bath when the drama from the night before resurfaces during lunch. Once again, the title of “undercover lesbian†is being thrown around like lesbianism is merely a fetish and bisexuality is a concept they can’t wrap their brains around. However, this particular iteration of the lesbian story line is less about trying to out Drew’s sexuality and more about proving that she’s a liar. Instead of addressing what isn’t adding up, Drew deflects to Marlo, angered by the fact that she was recorded and the footage was sent to LaToya.
As soon as we are finally getting somewhere addressing Drew’s lies and the alleged “colluding,†and we get a bit of Courtney sparring with Kenya — she’s like a gnat in Kenya’s face, it’s kind of funny — Shereé gets up from the table and calls everyone an embarrassment. Girl! If you don’t jump in there and earn your check! What happened to the bone collector? But she’s trying to be on her healing journey, so I’ll give her a pass. Plus, things pick back up at dinner when Sanya pushes back on Monyetta’s description of their conversation with Courtney as being an alliance-forming collusion, and Monyetta gives an amazing passive-aggressive apology.
Marlo puts Drew back on the spot, demanding the truth. Drew pulls another trick out of her hat and tells Marlo to “worry about passing a drug test.†I don’t even know where that came from (maybe Marlo needs to take a drug test to get her record expunged), but Marlo takes it in stride, mocking Drew’s attempts to get under her skin. She tries to read Marlo for her edges and criminal record, and Marlo tells Drew that since Ralph works in tech, he can just look up her charges. Drew interprets this as Marlo talking shit about her husband, which is a convenient way for her to make herself the victim.
Drew reports back to Ralph with who-knows-what kind of version of what happened, and the following day Ralph texts Marlo himself, asking her to keep his name out of her mouth. The entire thing is making a mountain out of a molehill, so Kenya shuts it down in the name of healing, urging the women to enjoy their wine tasting. The trip ends with traditional Portuguese dancing and a rendition of the “Cuff Itâ€Â TikTok choreography led by Monyetta. It’s as close to healing as they’ve gotten, but I’m eager for them to return to Georgia so we can enjoy the reemergence of 50 Cynt.
Peach Tea To-Go
• We have to address NeNe’s interview with Carlos King. Part one is up on YouTube, and the first half isn’t as entertaining as I anticipated; it’s basically them hyping each other up and discussing the show’s early days, plus some tea on NeNe’s relationships. The most interesting part is learning that Porsha was almost a one-season wonder if it weren’t for Kandi and NeNe going to bat for her to return. And that NeNe believes that once Kenya joined with her fake boyfriend, Walter, things began to change on the show in terms of authenticity.
• The ladies have officially filmed the reunion, and we are now privy to the seating chart and, my personal favorite, the looks. I think the sides are correct, but Marlo and Kandi should’ve gotten the first chair so that Kandi could eat her up, Drew, and Kenya. But Kenya would’ve had a fit being last. Kandi and Sanya have the best dresses, and the rest are meh. We need new stylists, stat.
• When posting about filming the reunion, Andy teased possibly “the shadiest receipt in the history of Housewives,†but he’s always overselling things, so we shall see.