This week, we’re highlighting 25 talented writers and performers for Vulture’s annual list “The Comedians You Should and Will Know.†Our goal is to introduce a wider audience to the talent that has the comedy community and industry buzzing. (You can read more about our methodology at the link above.) We asked the comedians on the list to answer a series of questions about their work, performing, goals for the future, and more. Next up is Rob Haze.
Tell us a story from your childhood you think explains why you ended up becoming a comedian.
One day I had a brand-new Atlanta Braves fitted hat. I was walking through the hallway, and this guy tried to steal my hat. I fought to keep my hat, and in the tussle my lip was busted. Full disclosure: My lips were chapped that day. When I went to the office to tell the story, they told me I shouldn’t have had a hat. I told the story at lunch, and I was standing up and everybody was sitting down laughing. That was the first time I felt like a comedian.
What unscripted or reality series do you think you’d excel at? What archetype do you think you’d be?
I think I would be great at Pawn Stars. I have a knowledge of what old things are going for, and I am really good at eBay — like a beast at eBay. I am always looking up how much random things cost. My sister recently said she missed the life-size Big Bird from our childhood, and I found the same toy on eBay immediately. Also, I am a good judge of character. I can spot a liar from a mile away. I’m not as good with telemarketers, but they are probably more than a mile away.
What’s your proudest achievement of your comedy career so far?
Right now, I’d say my first comedy special, Frontin’. It is very personal and involves some topics I was scared to talk about for years. I find that conquering that fear and being vulnerable is freeing. It feels like okay, I just gave a piece of myself in this special. I feel like my stand-up has turned a corner, and I’m excited where I go from here.
What have you learned about your joke-writing process that you didn’t know when you started?
I used to write to what I thought people wanted to hear about. I notice a lot of comics have an idea of what an audience wants. I no longer care what they want. I want to talk about what I want. The fun and the challenge of performing is being able to talk about whatever and make it fun and enjoyable. There are times when everyone is in agreement, and there are times when the room is divided. I get to dictate that chemistry in real time.
Tell us everything about your worst show ever. (This can involve venue, audience, other comedians on the lineup, anything!)
Unfortunately, this story is more recent than I’d like. I was hired to do a wedding anniversary party/retirement party. Already that is a lot going on. The party was very nice and elegant — they even had chandeliers — but the program took hours. It started before the couple even got there. People are dancing in the aisle as the couple commences. I should have gone up then. I would’ve been a riot. I would still talk to that couple now had I performed in the first hour.
People drank and ate, then there were heartfelt speeches from friends and family. Now, it’s getting tough. The man of the hour grabs the mic, and he’s like, “Now let’s party!†He begins to dance; the DJ plays music. Then a lady stops the music and says, “But before we do all that, we have a comedian. Come on, Mr. Comedy Man.†She refers to me as “Mr. Comedy Man.†I make fun of how absurd it is. I talk about the weird intro, the prayer, the interpretive dance, when I should have performed. Then I try to tell a joke, and I feel a tap on my shoulder. Nothing is discreet about walking up to a performer and tapping them on the shoulder. So I was like, “We all see you. What do you have to say?†The DJ says that the couple would like me to wrap it up. Of course, this gets the biggest laugh. I give the mic back to the DJ and leave. I don’t even try to settle up with the lady. Mr. Comedy Man has left the building.
Let’s say we live in a “Kings of Catchphrase Comedy†alternate dimension where every single comedian is required to have a hit catchphrase. What’s yours and why?
I tried to have a catchphrase at my first paid show. I was like, “Let me start this catchphrase where I say, ‘Y’all know what I’m sayin?’ And then I say, ‘Y’all don’t know what I’m sayin!’†It was a double catchphrase, and it was very dumb.
I would want it to be something that could have multiple meanings in multiple contexts. “I’m different†can be very cool or very self-deprecating, depending on how you say it. Athletes, when bragging, say, “I’m built different.†But I’d cry if someone commented on my ’gram, “You’re built different.†So final answer: “I’m different.â€
Nominate one comedian you don’t know personally you think is overdue for wider recognition and why you’re a fan of their work.
The “don’t know personally†part is wild. I know so many comedians who are great. I wish I could unknow some of my friends for the look. I never met Imani Kent. She’s got some great jokes. I think she’s got a unique perspective that I don’t know if I’ve seen before.
When it comes to your comedy opinions — about material, performing, audience, trends you want to kill/revive, the industry, etc. — what hill will you die on?
Crowdwork isn’t for everyone. When people are great at it, it’s amazing! When people are bad at crowdwork, it sucks. I feel the same about magicians, improvisers, and jugglers.
I don’t want my audience thinking I need their help. I don’t. Social media shouldn’t dictate comedy. Part of the fun is people saying things that maybe they shouldn’t. It should feel like a secret.
I hate reporting on comedy. One of the worst things is people trying to quote a live show.
If you had to come onstage to just one song for the rest of your life, what song would it be and why?
Comedy shows don’t need music. I get distracted by music most times. When I started, I was doing the Dougie onstage. Now I don’t acknowledge the music. I guess I would want something instrumental. Like “Stress†by Justice.
What is the best comedy advice, and then the worst comedy advice, you’ve ever received, either when you were starting out or more recently?
Best advice I’ve received was after my first time onstage. Ronnie Jordan told me to stay onstage, perform everywhere, host everything — and it changed my life.
Worst advice I got was to work on the same five-minute set. The arrogance to think your first good five is your best five is insane. Keep growing!
More From This Series
- 2023’s Comedians You Should Know Reflect on a Big Year
- Zach Zucker Dares to Say Comedy Is About Being Funny
- Sophie Zucker Is Sick of the Irony
- We Promise Zach Zimmerman Was Invited