Flaco’s Widow Responds to Autopsy Revelations on Weekend Update

In the wake of Flaco’s autopsy revealing that the beloved New York City owl had dangerous levels of rat poison in his system, as well as a severe case of pigeon herpes, Flaco’s widow (Sarah Sherman) took to Weekend Update to address the news on this week’s Saturday Night Live. “I wish I could be here under better circumstances,� she began. “Yeah I’m pretty sure this is the only circumstance you’d be here under,� Colin Jost responded, before asking her to tell him about her deceased husband. “Who?� Sherman said, and the crowd went wild. After lamenting the fact that an autopsy was even done in the first place (“When a bird basically explodes into the side of a building, who’s like, how did he die?�), Flaco’s widow complained that it exposed his rampant infidelity. “You know how it is when you’re married to a big time celebrity,� she told Jost, “They get to have sex with whoever they want, and theres nothing we can do about it. Right, brother?� She’s just upset that it had to be pigeons, which she calls “crumb-pecking skanks.� But maybe she found a new match in Jost, who she says is exactly her type: “nocturnal predator.�