Hang up your beach towels and disentangle yourself from your pool noodle because the Vacation Alliance is in trouble! This week, three of the four members of the formidable V.A. are at risk: Devin and Tori from Era III, and Kaycee from Era IV.
Devin, however, doesn’t seem particularly bothered. With his shades on in his twin bed, he shares that he’s been sleeping for 15 hours — the first relatable thing any of these protein powder snorters has said all season. Once awoken from his slumber, he’s ready to go to war with Bananas and basically declares that at this point in the game, anyone who is a friend of the Banana Man is a foe to him and his gang of goons.
The daily challenge is called “Bottoms Out,†providing Ryan and Derek with some low-hanging fruit comedy about bottoming. To begin, the teams will attempt to solve 27 math equations. Each correct answer earns them a hand or foothold in the giant storage container hanging above the water. The Eras will enter the container one at a time, cling to their footholds, and hope they can hang on longer than their opponents.
First things first, 27 math equations is a lot. That’s basically the entire math section of the SAT, a test that most of these delinquents probably failed. That said, Era IV has Kyland the Kalculator, and Era II has Laurel, who boasts that she has received “100 percent in every single math class [she’s] ever taken, including calculus.†Uhm, can we please get a CNN fact check? I’d maybe believe her if she said she’d gotten an A in every class because she seems like the grade-grubbing type, but 100 percent? If you were that good at math, you’d have a real job.
Rachel, the sole survivor of Era I, has to handle this mission solo, like Ethan Hunt going rogue after the IMF revokes his credentials for the seventeenth time. She says that she is “representing every little kid out there, every adult that’s ever felt alone.†Girl, it’s not the Olympics. Anyway, I guess this inflated sense of nobility gives Rachel the boost she needs, because she absolutely dominates the challenge, hanging on for nearly 15 minutes and taking home the first Era I victory thus far.
This is a very Survivor-esque, attrition-based challenge, and the cast is bored. Even T.J. can’t muster the energy to care. When Era IV’s Olivia drops, he forces his signature “you just fell and risked a fatal spine injury†cackle, but it’s empty and hollow. Josh gets DQed for putting his foot down on the container edge, leaving Kaycee hanging, as one can always count on Josh to do.
Laurel lasts the longest for Era II but can’t pull out a W despite the copious footholds they earned from their 17 correct answers. Era III is a mess, with Nia and Tori falling almost immediately and Cory seemingly electing to jump off soon after. Cory, you can’t hang on longer than Jordan, who has one hand??? Yes, Jordan wins so much that we basically forget he has a handicap, but this performance was especially impressive.
Era III loses, sending Tori and Devin into the arena to fight for their place in the game. This has Bananas positively horny at the thought of sending in Kaycee and Kyland against them, dismantling the Vacation Alliance once and for all. Ryan, who is a target alongside Laurel for Era II, says he wants the Vacation Alliance to become the Vacant Alliance. Ryan’s mom needs to sign him up for improv class after school; this is getting embarrassing.
At club night, everyone holds Head-of-Household-style meetings with Rachel, who finally has absolute power. First up is Kaycee, who hasn’t spoken to Rachel once this entire game but now conveniently claims that they’ve had an “unspoken alliance†the whole time. She tries to gaslight her into thinking that protecting Era IV will allow them to “continue working together,†but Rachel is not falling for it. This is like when you only hit up a tertiary friend when you want a favor; you have to send memes and TikToks and “thinking of you†messages at least once a quarter, so that when you do need something, you don’t seem fake as fuck. Kaycee did not do her meme diligence, so no, Rachel will not send her resume to her ex-girlfriend’s cousin at Apple.
Laurel finds Rachel next and makes the more compelling case that she’s a free agent. She says she isn’t working with anyone in the game (except Bananas), so an alliance with Rachel would mean that Rachel is at the top of her list. Kaycee, on the other hand, is basically making an empty promise — it’s well-known that she’s protecting at least three other people before she’d even consider Rachel and her interests.
Since Josh is friends with Rachel outside of the game, he makes a lukewarm attempt to lobby for Kaycee, but it’s pretty clear her mind is already made up. In the Chamber, Kaycee is like, “I’d really rather not go against my friend,†as if feelings are a relevant factor in this game.
After Rachel makes her decision public, Era IV yells at Josh for not doing enough to protect Kaycee. Devin tells him that his people-pleasing gameplay has been “so sloppy,†and Kaycee wonders if he should be dropped from the alliance altogether. She’s gonna call him into her office and be all, “Hand over your frozen daiquiri and your resort key card.â€
At the arena, the elimination game is called “Cable Connection Showdown.†Each player has a giant board with all 40 Challenge season logos on it. At the opposite end of the arena is a “motherboard†with a million outlets on it, next to a table full of seriously tangled cables. Once you’ve untangled all the wires, you need to figure out which plugs go into which outlets in order to light up the logos, checking your progress by hitting a buzzer. The first player to get all 40 logos lit up wins. It all sounds oddly … clerical? What a huge downgrade from Gladiator to Office Space.
Devin and Kyland go first, and this elimination feels tailor-made for Devin. He does best in scenarios that lean towards strategy and organization — Bananas references losing to him in a similar game on Vendettas, but I had flashbacks to Devin and Tori beating Bananas and Nany in the Final on Ride or Dies when they had to construct the giant cinder block puzzle.
All that said, Devin completely shits the bed. He has some sort of bizarre Marie Kondo strategy of untangling the cords super slowly — I assume he thinks that he can big brain his way into finding a hidden pattern that will make the next phase of the game faster, but it’s the wrong play. Kyland rips through his cords and beats Devin 40 to 2. Like Rachel showing all the many ten-year-olds watching the 40th season of an MTV show from the ’90s that you do things by yourself, Kyland announces that he’s showing everyone on the spectrum that they, too, can untangle cords. #Brave. #RepresentationMatters.
Learning from the guys, Tori and Kaycee prioritize speed, volleying buzzer attempts back and forth like they’re Patrick and Art, minus the pulsating sexual tension. When both women lunge for their buzzer and both full sets of logos light up, it’s unclear who’s won until T.J. calls it for Tori.
Right when winners Tori and Kyland are about to pick targets, T.J. announces that the players have made the merge. Teams are no more, and it’s officially an individual game. But wait! There will still be targets (three men and three women), meaning production is refusing to take this golden opportunity to free itself from this horribly anti-climactic game mechanic that does nothing except weigh the season down.
Kyland chooses Rachel, Aviv, and Jenny. Tori chooses Derek, Ryan, and Bananas, which will undoubtedly have Bananas’ head spinning around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Whenever he screws over a friend it’s totally kosher, but when a friend screws him over, he fully believes that their next game show appearance shouldn’t be on MTV, but instead produced by Jigsaw the Saw killer.
Before leaving Vietnam, the losers get to fill out their Karma Point Comment Cards. Kaycee gives the most points to Tori, in the spirit of keeping the V.A. alive, while Devin favors his showmance partner, Michele. He’ll be waiting for her in the Philippines, writing passionate sonnets that would make the Bard himself quake with envy.