If you would have told me years ago that Drew Sidora from The Game would be racing Marlo Hampton (and her exposed titty) on a track in Jamaica while on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I would be appalled — both at the absurdity of the situation and the fact that Marlo has a peach. Upon first hearing the announcement, I was genuinely excited for her; some of my favorite messy moments on the show involve Marlo, at least peripherally, so I thought she would make a great villain. Now that we’re at the tail end of the season, she’s undoubtedly superseded my expectations to her own detriment.
There’s a fine line between chronically messy and intolerable — Marlo used to teeter this line, but her status full-time has thrown her firmly into the second category. From her odd parenting decisions to her below-the-belt comments and desperate reads, Marlo’s likability decreases with every episode (even without her beef with Kandi). Following the explosive dinner that featured Marlo struggling to hold her own against Kandi, she uses the second day as an opportunity to press reset by completely acting as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, Kandi is probably the one cast member this game has never worked on; she may not be outwardly combative unless provoked, but she will hold a grudge and ice anyone out.
From the moment Kandi wakes up, she makes it clear to Todd that she’s past the point of being done with Marlo and goes on to ignore her existence for the majority of the episode until Marlo, tail between her legs, attempts to engage Kandi in conversation on the van between activities (through talking shit about Porsha and Simon, which did make me giggle). Kandi snaps at Marlo, dryly asking why she is even speaking to her. Marlo tries to laugh it off, flippantly saying, “Are you that motherfucking mad?†Yes, Marlo, she’s that mad. Since when has Kandi taken people talking about her mom or her husband in stride? Marlo calls Kandi petty and immature while simultaneously berating Kandi like a child when she refuses to play her little games. In a last-ditch effort, Marlo throws out a shallow apology that my 3-year-old nephew would have delivered with more emotion and sincerity. The apology bounces off of Kandi faster than it hits her eardrums, and she tells Marlo she can keep her “motherfucking sorry.â€
Sanya is in full camp-counselor mode, herding everyone into cars while drilling punctuality. It’s apparent that she’s honored and excited to be back home, as her accent heavily recoats her tongue and her face beams with pride as she shows everyone around. They first visit Sanya’s childhood home in Kingston. The whole scene is very Caribbean and extremely Black, with a neighbor yelling, “Hey, Sanya gal!†when seeing the athlete and her friends. They stop at Devon House, a historic Kingston mansion built for Jamaica’s first Black billionaire, George Steibel. The whole time they’re trekking around the island, Kenya is still back at the hotel, citing feeling “rushed†as the excuse for her tardiness. Let’s be real; we all know how discombobulated “getting your groove back†for the first time in a while can make you, especially while on vacation. Todd even said John told him before leaving the dinner that he would change and meet up with Kenya later. Also, on Watch What Happens Live last week, Sanya said although the cast never saw him again, he stayed in contact with Kenya. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
After making them wait in the van for more than 30 minutes before inevitably leaving her, she shows up two hours late (with a possible post-sex smile plastered on her face) to Devon House. Sanya pulls Kenya to the side to express how she feels disrespected by Kenya’s disregard for the schedule. Instead of saying, “Girl, I got my back blown out†or, I don’t know, maybe “I’m sorry,†she deflects by going into the latest melodrama with her and Marc. She says that for the past two weeks, Brooklyn hasn’t wanted to speak to her dad. She doesn’t dive deeper into the situation, but when a child doesn’t want anything to do with an adult, it’s a big red flag. But, as sad as what’s going on at home is, like Sanya said, it really has nothing to do with her lateness.
Next, Sanya takes them to the national stadium to visit where her beginnings as an Olympian were birthed. To prepare for the occasion, she bestowed fellow track star Drew with a relic of her past: a real Team USA Olympics uniform. I’m surprised she didn’t wear all of her medals for the entire trip, but it’s okay. We’ve all made fun of Sanya for making it known that she’s a world-class athlete, but when she does her thing, no one can deny that Sanya is That Bitch on the track. She glides effortlessly through the air, her feet and legs moving at a gracefully superhuman rate, running almost 37 meters in six seconds. When Kandi is in awe of your presence, you know you did something cool. After giving everyone a taste of her talent, Marlo and Drew take a turn on the track. Marlo strips into a Balenciaga underwear set that I guess she felt looked like a track uniform and joins Drew, who is clad in the Team USA uniform. They take off, Marlo’s breast gets some camera time, and they both cross the finish line pretty much at the same time (personally, I think Marlo’s toe was ahead of Drew’s). Drew tries to go on a victory lap but instead falls and tears her already recovering Achilles tendon. Thankfully, Sanya invited the Jamaican Minister of Sports, who refers Drew to the best doctor in the country.
Day three is another early start. Sanya extends an open invitation to the group for her iFit video shoot, informing everyone to be ready in the van at 9:30 a.m. When the meet time rolls around, the only people on the van are Marlo and her captive florist. When Kenya calls the front desk at 9:50 a.m., she takes the van leaving on schedule as a “disinvite,†and Shereé quickly cosigns. Elsewhere, Kandi runs lines for an upcoming audition with the injured Drew. Drew imparts her thespian wisdom to Kandi, giving her a crash course on her acting technique of choice, the technique that must have led her to roles in riveting films like Step Up and Lifetime’s TV movie Line Sisters. Olivia Colman and Viola Davis need to watch out. They eventually talk about Marlo and Sanya’s budding friendship, and Drew and Kandi express their distrust for Marlo. Drew tells Kandi how Marlo has said negative things about Sanya in the past, like calling her a suck-up after the MommiNation photo shoot. Marlo has essentially been backed into a corner because of her constant feuds with Kandi and Kenya and is looking to find another potential ally in Sanya.
Everyone reconvenes for dinner, where Shereé confronts Sanya about her being “uninvited.†Shereé claims to have been in the lobby at 9:30 a.m. (production footage shows her on the beach) and then blames it on Sanya for not reaching out. Later at the dinner, Shereé reignites the conversation by telling Kenya that Sanya felt she didn’t disinvite anyone. Kenya tells Sanya directly that the onus was on her to check to ensure they got there. Sanya argues that she was working and it wasn’t her responsibility to babysit, asking why Kenya couldn’t have called herself a car like she did the day before. Kenya turns it into a time to attack Sanya about her hosting duties, causing Ross to stand up and defend his wife, ending the episode how most mid-trip Housewives episodes end: with a most likely overdramatized dinner cliffhanger.
Peach Tea To-Go
• As an ice cream connoisseur myself, I’m adding Devon House to my bucket list of destinations. It’s apparently so good that National Geographic named it one of the top ten best places to get ice cream.
• Apparently, filming scenes of you pointing at fabric is not enough to create a collection. Shereé changes her fashion show to a fashion “presentation†to lower expectations. Since, of course, our expectations are sky-high for She by Shereé, which is obviously poised to be the next Off-White.
• I’m hoping and praying that the dinner wasn’t the first time Drew heard an excerpt from Ralph’s book. I don’t like how he was so willing to share with the table but was acting mysterious right before leaving for the trip. Nothing he does makes sense.
• Kenya, Shereé, Michele, Monyetta, and Heath cut it up on the boat. Kenya and Moneyetta let that rum punch transport them to a Drake music video as they auditioned for a spot in Shereé’s “presentation.â€