Responding to outrage from lawmakers, Bruce Springsteen, the media, and anyone in the world who has ever purchased to a ticket to anything, ever, the Justice Department announced plans for a thorough investigation into the proposed union between universally despised megacorporations Ticketmaster and Live Nation. Hilariously, the probe — which would seek to determine if the merger would create an “unfair monopoly in the ticket-selling business†— could take “months or longer.†Since the Justice Department has previously investigated Ticketmaster, though, and somehow failed to find evidence of a monopoly, we bet we can already guess their verdict.