The Best Frozen Moments of the 2013 Oscars
Last night’s Oscars telecast, despite it’s lengthy length, went by in a blur of long man hair and envelopes. We know people danced and clapped and frowned, but it’s hard to remember who and why. So we froze the moments between all the thank-yous and offensive/slightly offensive jokes. Moments like Quentin Tarantino’s ill-advised peace sign, Quvenzhané Wallis’s champion-of-the-world muscle flex, the tie between Adele and Ang Lee’s wife for Best Person, and all aspects of Kristen Stewart’s upside-down smile. Click on to see the most memorable frozen moments of the evening.
Wait, that's Seth MacFarlane? Uh-oh.
Everyone who watched this is pregnant now.
Seth MacFarlane perfectly crafted this joke to appeal to Robert Downey Jr. and only Robert Downey Jr.
This means, at some point, a human person had to think to themselves, Hmm, what would a sock hospital look like? And would they call it a sockspital?
"Oooooooooh, hey, guys, can I sing with you all? Guys? Guys!? Wheredja go?"
![Arkin: "Grrrrr."
De Niro: "What's that?"
PSH: [Sound of teeth bitterly scraping together.]
Tommy Lee Jones: "I used my one smile for the year, earlier in the evening. Sorry-not-sorry."
Waltz: "Humina humina, whaaaaaat?"](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/5c2/d4d/53c94abd08f2e6c7f74f6e1e4d0b06b88e-Christophe-Win-.2x.rsquare.w300.jpg)
![Arkin: "Grrrrr."
De Niro: "What's that?"
PSH: [Sound of teeth bitterly scraping together.]
Tommy Lee Jones: "I used my one smile for the year, earlier in the evening. Sorry-not-sorry."
Waltz: "Humina humina, whaaaaaat?"](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/5c2/d4d/53c94abd08f2e6c7f74f6e1e4d0b06b88e-Christophe-Win-.2x.rhorizontal.w807.jpg)
Arkin: "Grrrrr."
De Niro: "What's that?"
PSH: [Sound of teeth bitterly scraping together.]
Tommy Lee Jones: "I used my one...
Arkin: "Grrrrr."
De Niro: "What's that?"
PSH: [Sound of teeth bitterly scraping together.]
Tommy Lee Jones: "I used my one smile for the year, earlier in the evening. Sorry-not-sorry."
Waltz: "Humina humina, whaaaaaat?"
Remember when Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman led the audience in that dance routine that exclusively involved looking up and to the left for eigh...
Remember when Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman led the audience in that dance routine that exclusively involved looking up and to the left for eight minutes? So good.
The ABCs of Oscar direction: Get Arkin-Ben-Clooney all in a row, and for that instant the show will be perfect.
It looks like she's saying "Yeah," but she really just asked that dude to go to Yemen with her. He's stunned.
"Skyfaaaaaaaaaallll. Because it's Skyfall. And that's Skyfall. Also, SkyFaAaAall! And we're Sky, skyfallin!"
"Don't worry, Eddie, I'm going to sing your part too, cool? Great. And Amanda, didn't you mention it was your dream to meet the Price Waterhouse ...
"Don't worry, Eddie, I'm going to sing your part too, cool? Great. And Amanda, didn't you mention it was your dream to meet the Price Waterhouse guys? It came true! Go on and say hi, I got this, no need to thank me."
"Finally, a teddy bear in a tuxedo like I've been waiting for this whole time," said every little kid in America forced to watch a show wher...
"Finally, a teddy bear in a tuxedo like I've been waiting for this whole time," said every little kid in America forced to watch a show where old people win boring gold dolls.
"Oooshee boooshee boo. Who won an Oscar? I won an Oscar," Anne cooed to the baby offscreen that she was imagining.
When you think about it, these were the only knees we saw all night.
Considering that Kristen didn't seem to enjoy the Oscars last night, maybe she should just spend next year with Oscar the Grouch.
Remember when Quvenzhané adorably made muscles and we all died from cuteness and now you're reading this as a ghost? Totes worth it.
Foxx: "OOOOOooooo."
DDL: "HeHaha."
TLJ: "While everyone looks up and to the left, it's my time to finally get a good look a...
Foxx: "OOOOOooooo."
DDL: "HeHaha."
TLJ: "While everyone looks up and to the left, it's my time to finally get a good look at Daniel without that gnarly facial hair. Mmm, yeah, that's the stuff."
"Look at me, boy. I'm not going to hurt you. (Yes I am.)"
It was smart of the Academy to punish Joaquin for bad-mouthing awards by forcing him to watch them.
Says Ben Falcone: "I don't care if I'm sitting by myself because my wife Melissa McCarthy is backstage or whatever, I just love watching the cast...
Says Ben Falcone: "I don't care if I'm sitting by myself because my wife Melissa McCarthy is backstage or whatever, I just love watching the cast of Silver Linings Playbook begrudgingly clap."
Clooney and Jay-Z should hang sometime and discuss drinking in the front row of award shows and being the coolest. We'd pay all the money to be at the...
Clooney and Jay-Z should hang sometime and discuss drinking in the front row of award shows and being the coolest. We'd pay all the money to be at the next table — hell, we'd pay all the money to be their table.
Foxx and Field, Part 1
Field: "Huh?"
Foxx: "Eeeeeeee, did they get you good, Sally."
Foxx and Field, Part 2
Field: "Oh I get it now. Yay!"
Foxx: "It's too late. Stop clapping."
Adams was either saying hello to her daughter, telling Seth MacFarlane to steal second base, or signaling to her overlords to hold off on the invasion...
Adams was either saying hello to her daughter, telling Seth MacFarlane to steal second base, or signaling to her overlords to hold off on the invasion because Philip Seymour Hoffman and his son are too cute.
Tim Burton: "Hey, Helen, do you want to be in my next movie? It's about a sex surrogate who works with a poet who's paralyzed from the neck down ...
Tim Burton: "Hey, Helen, do you want to be in my next movie? It's about a sex surrogate who works with a poet who's paralyzed from the neck down because of polio."
Helen Hunt: "Like The Sessions?"
Tim Burton: "Yes, but you'd be dead zombie ghouls."
How do you say "fake pout" in Australian? Fosters? Really? Is every word down there Fosters?
If Adele's face isn't the backdrop of your laptop, iPhone, iPad, Zune, etc. right now, you aren't living life correctly.
"And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, ...
"And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you— Wait, what was I talking about?
The moment when Quentin lost all his cred by giving the peace sign like a cool dad.
"Aww shucks, you nominated little ol' giant-movie-star-me for an Oscar?"
If you were surprised by DDL's sense of humor, it might help to know he's actually currently in character for a biopic about Def Comedy Jam–era Bernie...
If you were surprised by DDL's sense of humor, it might help to know he's actually currently in character for a biopic about Def Comedy Jam–era Bernie Mac.
We want to chastise De Niro for not even pretending to be interested, but look at the dainty way he rests his head on his hand. Awww, Bobby.
Meryl Streep has already been nominated for a 2014 Oscar for her performance as Women Who Denies Wedgie. Even if she didn't actually have one, she mad...
Meryl Streep has already been nominated for a 2014 Oscar for her performance as Women Who Denies Wedgie. Even if she didn't actually have one, she made us feel in our hearts that she did.
We know it's not fun to lose, David O. Russell, but you didn't need to turn into an old lady.
Travolta and Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Which is Spielberg's angel and which is his devil?
Michelle looked great, but you have to admit Barack looked real weird.
"Awww, Ben, I thought I told you not to talk about the effort our marriage takes in front of a billion people."
Shut up! You're the one who cried when you saw Ben crying. Not us ...