15 Wild Cannes Posters, Like Snake Outta Compton
Inside the Palais des Festivals at the Cannes Film Festival, some of the most acclaimed films in world cinema unspool. But beneath that spectacle, down in the basement of the Palais, you’ll find the Marché du Film, where posters tout some of the wildest direct-to-video schlock imaginable, in the hopes of snagging a buyer. If you’ve been wondering what Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton have been up to, the Marché is likely to offer some clues — but wandering this warren of low-budget exploitation films can also introduce you to stars and premises you’ve never heard of before, because they are quite simply insane. As is our yearly tradition, here are some of Vulture’s wildest finds.
Would you believe that only the white snakes were Oscar-nominated?
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
I’m not even going to guess the superpower of ol' Ass Man over here. I’m just going to commend superhero movies for taking their gratuitous shirtless ...
I’m not even going to guess the superpower of ol' Ass Man over here. I’m just going to commend superhero movies for taking their gratuitous shirtless scenes to the next level.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Dick Van Dyke is one Oscar away from an EGOT. On an unrelated note, here he is in Senior Entourage, possibly playing the Turtle to Ed Asner.
Photo: ...Dick Van Dyke is one Oscar away from an EGOT. On an unrelated note, here he is in Senior Entourage, possibly playing the Turtle to Ed Asner.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
So many questions! Are the pets divorcing each other? Are they divorcing their owners, in which case it's more like Pet Emancipation Court? Or maybe a...
So many questions! Are the pets divorcing each other? Are they divorcing their owners, in which case it's more like Pet Emancipation Court? Or maybe a pet presides over a traditional human divorce court, literally barking orders at two estranged spouses? (Please excuse me while I go copyright that idea.)
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
You’ll never bite into a jelly donut the same way again.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Mel Brooks's son directed this comedy about gender identity, sexist double standards, and cigars that are one precarious step away from being motorboa...
Mel Brooks's son directed this comedy about gender identity, sexist double standards, and cigars that are one precarious step away from being motorboated.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Lindsay Lohan finally follows up her 2013's The Canyons with another big-screen effort, which is either about werewolf detectives or Game of Thrones f...
Lindsay Lohan finally follows up her 2013's The Canyons with another big-screen effort, which is either about werewolf detectives or Game of Thrones fanfic.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Sometimes you're a little confused and dismayed by the stars you see toplining weird movies in the Marché du Film.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Other times, it feels like coming home.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
I cannot possibly top the actual description for this movie, which goes, “After a series of bad relationships, cynical Sean finally meets his true lov...
I cannot possibly top the actual description for this movie, which goes, “After a series of bad relationships, cynical Sean finally meets his true love — Emily. Everything is perfect until she confesses to him she is a ‘nail-clipper monster,’ a special subtype of humans that eats nail clippers.” I am simultaneously sold and grossed out.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Please don't show this poster to Susan Sarandon.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Was the title Finding Tori too on-the-nose?
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
A feature-length adaptation of everyone's favorite Sex and the City 2 scene? Sold!
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Today's spin of the James Franco roulette wheel landed on "Co-star with Pamela Anderson!"
Photo: Kyle Buchanan
Let's just clock that tag line, "Love means never having to say you're zombie." Fine, Day of the Dead remake. You just earned my grudging pe...
Let's just clock that tag line, "Love means never having to say you're zombie." Fine, Day of the Dead remake. You just earned my grudging permission to exist.
Photo: Kyle Buchanan