I didn’t choose A Star Is Born, A Star Is Born chose me. I tried so hard for so long to resist Bradley Cooper’s musical melodrama, thinking it would take its rightful place as this year’s Awards Season Villain. (If you are into awards season narratives, that designation doesn’t even mean a movie is bad, just that other movies are better.) When I walked into the screening, I was blithe: What could A Star Is Born have to offer me, neither Little Monster nor a believer that Bradley Cooper is hot?
Well!
One thing led to another — specifically, the amber highlights in Bradley Cooper’s greasy Jackson Maine hair and the way Lady Gaga says, “I mean, my God!†when they get a drink at that cop bar — and look at me now. I am fully and completely trapped by this movie. I can’t stop talking about it. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop writing about it and tweeting about it, I can’t stop being obsessed with all its details, intricacies, mysteries, and compliments.
One day — when I become a basketball wife — I will wipe the internet of all the evidence of me losing my mind over this movie. But that day is not today. Today, I have a gift guide for everyone you know who is as obsessed with this movie as I am.
Yes, there is a whole collection of Star Is Born–official Ally tees and Jackson tees. I respect these T-shirts but I have very little interest in buying them. (The Ally shirts are displeasing to my eyes. Sorry.) Instead, I like this black Reformation tee that says, correctly, that “cowboys make better lovers.†Reformation is overpriced but I have a particular affinity for all of their T-shirts. They are not too tight but don’t have an oversized fit, which is frankly a very satisfying middle ground. Also again: They say “cowboys make better lovers.†Yee-haw!
Again, another overpriced Reformation item. And again, I cannot say no to this. If you are buying something for a Star Is Born fan, there is certainly a cowboy in their life that they are willing to say hello to. Is it a coincidence that the belt says “Hey Cowboy,†or is it an instance of grim irony, given that Jackson Maine kills himself with a belt in the third act? I can’t decide, but I really want this belt. The Star Is Born stan in your life will want it too.
They say “never meet your heroes,†but I met my hero once — Ve Neill, who made Bradley Cooper look so fuckin’ hot in A Star Is Born — and it worked out for me. Part of our conversation involved me asking how she secured Jackson Maine’s rosy, glow-y tan. Neill used Tom Ford’s bronzer “on all the high points†on Cooper’s face.
“That Arizona sky, burning in your eyes,†Ally (Lady Gaga) croons at the beginning of “Always Remember Us This Way.†Please make sure the Star Is Born fan in your life appreciates that Arizona sky (or any sky, really) without a burn or lasting sun damage. As for Bradley Cooper’s skin, Ve Neill told me that she used Alba sunscreen.
“Hunter,†you’re thinking. “This is just a pajama set decorated with stars. There’s literally nothing else to this.†And to that I say: “And what about it!†Lean into the literal: These are pajamas and they have stars on them and this movie is called A Star Is Born and some things really don’t need to be that deep.
When Jackson Maine stumbles into the (fictional) drag bar Bleu Bleu, he orders a gin on the rocks. This is the nicer of two Arizona-based gins I found on Drizly, so if you would like to drink too much and maybe pee onstage at the Grammys, this should be your poison.
This is the only official Star Is Born merch that I absolutely cannot live without. First, we have the score — in its entirety, including the dialogue interludes — on vinyl. Then, we’ve got a handful of beautiful, previously unseen prints of Ally (tangerine hair and brown hair) and Jackson. I don’t even have a record player, but Santa baby, I demand this.
Jackson Maine’s brown cowboy hat is, like, his thing. He takes it off when he’s performing or feeling vulnerable — helpless, tender, open — or when he’s with Ally. In one shot, he actually puts the hat on Ally, to signal how important she is to his life. Here’s one that looks just like it. Giddy up!
These are the same brand of pants Ally wears when she arrives to the Greek Theater for Jackson’s performance, the night where she eventually sings “Shallow.†This garment doesn’t entirely make sense to me — is that belt functional? — yet I still cannot get enough of these mid-rise cropped pants. The white pinstripe somehow makes them even more offbeat and appealing.
I don’t like peas and I don’t eat them, but just in case your Star Is Born stan wants to recreate the iconic scene of Jackson Maine nursing Ally’s knuckles — swollen from punching a cop right in the kisser — they will have peas on hand. Literally!
Because, as you know, “First stop’s Arizona!â€
Taking Another Look at You: Priceless
Bonus if it comes with an extended, erotic nose touch.