According to the popular self-help book The Secret, the key to happiness is using the law of attraction to manifest what you truly want in your life. Just think about your deepest desires, and the universe will bring them to you. As of today, we’re ready to become The Secret’s greatest evangelist, because our heart’s true wish finally exists: a Sopranos/Sex and the City crossover. Eliza Cossio, a writer for Wyatt Cenac’s Problem Areas, is responsible for the script, titled “Business or Personal?†“I wrote this because Sopranos and SATC aired at the same time and took place a few miles apart, and the idea of these two shows existing in the same universe really made me laugh,†Cossio told the Cut. “These are two of my favorite shows, and the rom-com and the mob movie are two of my favorite genres, so I didn’t want to just make fun of them. Instead I tried to find the comedy in following their forms.â€
The result is hilarious, yes, but we also feel genuinely invested in this plot. Spoilers for this completely fake episode ahead: Big gets whacked by the mob, Carrie Bradshaw and Paulie Walnuts have a meet-cute after his murder, the girls go to New Jersey for free Manolo Blahniks, and it all takes off from there. We have a particular soft spot for the burgeoning Miranda Hobbes–Carmela Soprano friendship. And Cossio’s dialogue-writing skills are enviable. For example, this scene where Christopher finds out that Paulie promised the four women free shoes is … [chef’s kiss].
PAULIEWhat? Just a couple pairs, relax.CHRISTOPHERA couple? It’s the fuckin’ SpiceGirls reunion tour out there! Tony,we can’t afford to lose any part ofthat lot.Tony takes a big bite of a cannoli.TONYYou two figure it out.PAULIEAlso, there are five Spice Girls.There are only four of them.CHRISTOPHERThe fuck is wrong with you?CARRIEThe man’s right. Personally, I seeus as more of a Crosby, Stills,Nash & Young, but…Carrie does an awkward, flirty laugh. It’s like everyoneforgot the girls were there.CARRIE (V.O.)I may as well have been wearing1997 Chanel at a 1999 Versace show.
While there’s sadly no way this can ever come to fruition (James Gandolfini’s untimely death, Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker’s ongoing feud), just imagine what could’ve been if HBO’s greatest sociopaths ever got to share a screen. Read the whole thing here, over a Cosmo and a plate of gabagool.