A Towel-Wearing Cardi B Shares Her Thoughts on Bernie Sanders

Is there a public figure out there who captures the urgency of the current political crisis like Cardi B? While late-night hosts like Jimmy Fallon are doing feel-good quarantine content, and the cast of SNL is all smiles in Studio 8WFH, rad leftist icon and one-woman coronavirus public-awareness campaign Cardi is responding to Bernie Sanders dropping out of the Democratic primary race with a righteous fury. Cardi went to Instagram Live with her good towel on and some indoor shades to admonish young fans for not getting out the vote at the rate of her grandma’s friends. She says:

“As you guys know, Bernie dropped out of the race. And I’m guessing he dropped out because, you probably saw, he didn’t have a good chance at winning. And the shit that gets me mad about it is, I see a lot of young people on the Internet always lying. Y’all motherfuckers, y’all young motherfuckers, I’m getting sick of y’all. I’m about to start hanging out with my grandma’s friends because they vote. Y’all motherfuckers don’t vote, and that shit is getting me tired. You wanna know motherfucking why? Because y’all be like, we looove Bernie. I be seeing all over Twitter, y’all love Bernie. But y’all wasn’t voting! Y’all wasn’t voting! What the fuck was up with that? You know who be voting? Older people. People that don’t give a fuck about going to college.�

“What the fuck was up with that?� is right. You could argue that the voting process must be reformed nationwide so that young people who work inflexible day jobs can reliably mail-in their votes, but until then, young people need to start voting at the rate of Cardi’s grandma’s friends. Because Cardi B is dressed like a fortune teller, she has seen the future, and that future has a recession. She continues:

“Right now, the state that America is in, we got no time to fucking play around. Like right now, we about to go through another recession. And let me tell you something. If you think that after the BARONAVIRUS, is gone, is finished and everything … first of all, we don’t know when that shit’s gonna motherfucking leave. So if you think that shit’s gonna go back to normal after this BARONAVIRUS disappear, you’re motherfucking wrong. Bitch, we’re about to enter a recession. Yup. We’re about to enter a recession. Mm-hmm.�

Even though “Baronavirus� sounds like it’s an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where the Barone family gets chicken pox, Cardi “Miss Cleo� B is sharing an urgent message to get out the vote at a time when many young Democrats have never felt more disenfranchised. “Do you really want 45 to be in charge of the recession?� she asks. “45, he’s not capable of fucking handling what this country is going to motherfucking come up with. No no no. He’s not. And if you think he gives a fuck about minorities with no job? Dead fucking wrong.�