Around this time last year, the Rolling Stones released the eerily prescient song “Living in a Ghost Town,†written and recorded before the pandemic but with some pretty on-the-nose observations that could very well apply to quarantine life. Now, after over a year of the pandemic, Mick Jagger is back with a song that very clearly was written during this time: “Eazy Sleazy,†abounding with references to COVID, virtual life, and some pretty worrisome conspiracies. Jagger teamed up with Dave Grohl for the song, making it yet another stop on his never-ending promotional cycle as the Foo Fighters are on the Rock Hall ballot for the first time. In a press release, Jagger says, “It’s a song that I wrote about coming out of lockdown, with some much needed optimism.†Grohl adds, “It’s the song of the summer, without a doubt!!â€
Over here at Vulture, we’re not quite convinced. So we’ve broken down all of Jagger’s wild lyrics, based on whether they were eazy to listen to, or just made us feel sleazy (not in the Kesha sense, mind you). And while we’re just sticking to the particularly egregious verses here, don’t get us started on the line, “Everything’s smooth and greasy†in the chorus.
We took it on the chin
The numbers were so grim
Bossed around by pricks
Stiffen upper lips
SLEAZY: Bossed around because of bad COVID numbers? Did Van Morrison write that line?
Pacing in the yard
You’re trying to take the Mick
You must think I’m really thick
SLEAZY: We’d actually call that rhyme pretty thin.
Looking at the graphs
With a magnifying glass
Cancel all the tours
Football’s fake applause
EAZY: If we have to give these lines one thing, it’s that they’re mostly accurate! This pandemic has indeed involved graphs, canceled tours, and fake applause at sports games. But someone tell Mick he can put away the magnifying glass and just zoom in on his computer.
No more travel brochures
Virtual premieres
I’ve got nothing left to wear
EAZY: Again, mostly checks out — except that we’re supposed to believe Mick hasn’t been wearing sweats to virtual events like the rest of us.
That’s a pretty mask
But never take a chance
TikTok stupid dance
Took a samba class
EAZY: Give us the video evidence of Mick Jagger and Dave Grohl’s TikTok and samba dances.
I landed on my ass
Trying to write a tune
You better hook me up to Zoom
SLEAZY: Moratorium on culture that directly references Zoom when?
See my poncey books
Teach myself to cook
Way too much TV
It’s lobotomising me
SLEAZY: Only because we can’t call a line “eazy†that includes a word us silly Americans have never heard before. (Apparently, “poncey†means pretentious.)
Think I’ve put on weight
I’ll have another drink
then I’ll clean the kitchen sink
EAZY: You and us both.
Shooting the vaccine
Bill Gates is in my bloodstream
It’s mind control
The earth is flat and cold
SLEAZY: No. No no no no no!
It’s never warming up
The Arctic’s turned to slush
The second coming’s late
And there’s aliens in the deep state
SLEAZY: From bad COVID numbers to deep-state conspiratizing — what a turn this song has taken! We also must point out:
1. How can the Arctic turn to slush if it’s not warming?
2. It sure sounds like Jagger actually sings “The second’s coming late,†which we might be able to get behind as some sort of postmodern commentary about the passage of time during the pandemic. But alas, this song is not that.