Kim Kardashian recently exposed her weapons of ass destruction on the cover of Interview magazine, wearing a white jockstrap in front of the American flag as the Founding Daddies intended. While Vulture always has room for cake, a jockstrapped-up Kim K was not on our 2022 wish list. The photos show Kim K with bleached-blonde Farrah Fawcett–style hair, posing with her goods out in front of an American flag. Why? Because Interview wanted to talk to “the most famous woman in the nation to find out what’s behind the American Dream,†of course. Also because she’s currently putting together a true-crime podcast for Spotify, The System. But (and it’s a big butt), we are left wondering which other icons could have broken the internet by rocking a jock. Below, just 29 stars that deserved to wear a jock on the cover of a magazine before the ex–queen of Staten Island.
1. Paddington Bear, putting his whole marmaladussy in it
2. Ryan Gosling (in Ken-branded underwear)
3. Omar Apollo, if he hasn’t already
4. Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.†a.s.s.
5. Jane Fonda in a commentary on both her and the Earth getting hotter
6. Idris Elba in his Macklemore-music-video costume (don’t judge us)
7. Chris Pratt’s dinosaur BFF from Jurassic World
8. The entirety of Vulture’s 2022 “Comedians You Should Know†class
9. Beyoncé (ideally in Renaissance visuals, ahem)
10. The cast of Glee
11. Lea Michele (separately from the cast of Glee, for its safety)
12. Jenifer Motherfucking Lewis!
13. A Chromatica Oreo in a Chromatica jockstrap
14. J.K. Rowling (against her will)
15. Pete Davidson and Colin Jost’s yacht
16. The can of vegetables from Wet Hot American Summer
17. The cast of Don’t Worry Darling (as a bonding experience)
18. Rob Kardashian
19. Meghan McCain with space buns
20. Meghan McCain’s hairstylist
21. The boys of Charli XCX’s “Boys†music video
22. But NOT Charlie Puth
23. Haim, but only while walking through a parking lot
24. Drake (well, he already is)
25. Stephen Sondheim in his sexy turtleneck era
26. Bad Bunny, also in a Chromatica jockstrap
27. J. Smith-Cameron and Kieran Culkin, but they’re wearing it at the same time
28. Nathan Fielder’s green pepper
29. Finally, Scarlett Johansson as the — never mind