this barbie can't stop crying

Release the Barbie Fart-Opera Cut

Top down for a reason. Photo: Warner Bros.

Barbie can do everything. Even fart. IndieWire published a bombshell piece of investigative journalism on July 27 that may just knock the wind out of you. Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie was supposed to include a fart opera. “We’ve always tried to get in a proper fart joke and we’ve never done it,†Gerwig said. “We had like a fart opera in the middle [of Barbie]. I thought it was really funny. And that was not the consensus.†Gerwig’s lame excuse was that Lady Bird and Little Women were not as comedic, so she was constantly trying to balance how jokes affected the pacing. “It was in the wrong place, too,†editor Nick Houy added. “We need to work it into a more significant narrative moment next time.†Look, the movie wasn’t without its hilarious moments. We got Ryan Gosling’s Ken saying “Sublime,†Ken flying off his surfboard (because beach), and a host of horse content, but imagine the room falling silent after Michael Cera’s Allan absolutely rips ass, shrugs, and gleefully says, “There is only one Allan!†We could’ve had the all-female Supreme Court celebrate another landmark case with a symphony of stinks. Weird Barbie was right there.

Release the Barbie Fart-Opera Cut