Just when I thought we were finally getting rid of Kyle, Captain Sandy decides to give him a second chance — as if he needs one after his reign of terror. I wouldn’t say I’m surprised since it would have meant being shorthanded, but it’s still deeply tragic that we’ll have to continue dealing with him for the rest of the season as it continues spiraling downhill.
After Sandy serves Kyle a bit of humble pie, we finally move on to the preference sheet meeting. It feels like ages since we’ve had an actual charter on this show, so I’m thrilled that we’re diving back into it, even if it’s only one day long. Our primary is Tonia DeCosimo, a magazine founder who’s celebrating her birthday and female empowerment. Does this mean Kyle will try getting out of serving an all-women group again? One thing that sticks out in their otherwise normal list of requests is a note stating that Tonia doesn’t eat eggs outdoors, which is something I never thought I’d hear. I wonder if she has some sort of traumatic experience from eating eggs outside because I’m baffled, as is Jack.
Speaking of Cheffy, now that Natalya’s gone and he’s left with no friends onboard, Jack has decided to prioritize his relationship with Tumi again, since she makes him feel “safe and secure.†The same can’t be said about Kyle, whom he hilariously (and accurately) describes as the type of person who would “cause drama in an empty room with a mop bucket.†Jack is one of us, and I love him for that!
As if Sandy hasn’t dealt with enough after the Nat and Kyle situations, she’s thrown another curveball the next morning when Max tells her about his plan to leave after the next charter since he doesn’t feel like himself anymore. What he leaves out is that he makes decisions based on whether or not he wakes up with a boner (which he calls his Eiffel Tower). Sandy’s shocked and pleads with him not to leave because he’s an important part of the team, even offering to let him drive the boat when they go to the anchorage. I can’t blame Max for wanting to quit. If I were stuck working on a boat with Kyle, I’d also want to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible, money be damned.
However, Max’s desire to leave is quickly gone thanks to the arrival of Natalya’s replacement, who will single-handedly fix his Eiffel Tower problem. He’s immediately smitten from the moment he lays his eyes upon our new stew, Lily. She’s a posh British gal who has zero experience on yachts, let alone one as big as Mustique, and is greener than one-episode wonder Brooke. It quickly becomes clear that she has no clue what to do after being assigned to laundry, meaning the interior is absolutely fucked. It also means that Tumi’s patience and leadership will be put to the test, and she even admits later on that having to train Lily is making her miss Natalya’s incredible work ethic. You never know what you have until it’s gone!
Ahead of the guests’ arrival, Kyle asks to have a quick chat with Sandy in the bridge, where he apologizes from the “bottom of my heart†for all the damage he’s caused and promises that he’ll do better. Sure, Jan. Sandy appreciates his apology because she wants to have people onboard who can admit when they’re wrong and make changes as a result. Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that Kyle is going to miraculously become a nicer person overnight.
After the very chic guests enjoy their lunch, Luka asks if they want to use the slide and water toys, to which they respond that they’d rather just chill out and tan on deck. But this doesn’t work for Sandy, who believes that Luka should be more persuasive at getting the guests to use the toys that are at their disposal, so they eventually encourage the women to have some fun in the water before their excursion.
When it’s time to dock in Portofino, the pressure is dialed up to 11 since it’s a massive challenge to maneuver such a big yacht in a port that’s full of smaller boats. In order to do so, Sandy tells us that she has to spin the boat and back it down the narrow area. It’s such a sight to behold that a crowd of people onshore gather to watch them conduct it seamlessly. Huge props to Luka for being such a fantastic first-time bosun who successfully helped navigate a docking that many seasoned bosuns would’ve struggled tremendously with.
While Jessika accompanies the guests as they explore the gorgeous town, Sandy takes the deck crew out for some gelato as a reward. At the gelato shop, Max shares some great news, telling everyone that he’s going to stay on the boat after all. Thank God!! We mostly have Lily to thank for this, but hearing Max tell us that he loves the team and feels like they’re a “little family†made me smile for the first time this entire season. I’m glad Frenchie isn’t quitting because, like the rest of his team, I’ve done a complete 180 on him and actually quite appreciate him now.
If we thought things were going to finally settle down after Natalya’s departure and Kyle’s chat with Sandy, then we’re sorely mistaken because Jack and Kyle spend the entire episode beefing with each other. There’s awkward tension whenever they’re in the galley together since both refuse to look at or speak to one another. Jack is pissed because he believes that Kyle was the catalyst for Natalya’s departure, while Kyle thinks that Jack is talking shit and should grow up and stop giving him the silent treatment. Has Kyle ever stopped to consider that he might just have rancid vibes?
After the guests enjoy their all-white dinner party, they decide to spice the night up by asking Tumi to have some of the guys strip for them. This gives Luka war flashbacks to his season of Down Under, where he first gained some yacht stripping experience. They eventually manage to drag Jack into it because the guests want to “see meat,†though he refrains from taking his shirt off since he doesn’t think the ladies would be into it as much. Everyone has fun, so that’s a few thousand dollars added to the tip.
The next morning, Jack’s breakfast special is omelets, meaning the primary has to eat alone inside since she refuses to eat eggs outside. The reasoning for this, as she tells her friends, is that they develop a “foul taste†after coming into contact with the air, which sort of makes sense. However, I don’t get why Jack chose to stick with making an egg dish anyway instead of, like, pancakes.
Then, within the blink of an eye, the boat is back in Genoa, and the guests are gone, thus ushering in a dramatic conclusion to the episode. During the crew’s night-out dinner, Lily asks Jack who he’s closest to on the boat, and he obviously says Natalya. When she asks why Nat left, Jack explains that it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t want to fill her mind with negativity. Lily replies, “Everyone in [the] interior’s up their own ass?†and then they joke about how British banter is the best. Kyle, overhearing this conversation, gets pissed and starts going on about how they’re “playing games†and that Jack wasn’t acting this bold until Lily showed up. And just like that … we’re back to square one. Kyle, what happened to turning a new leaf?
That’s where the episode leaves us, but not before a glimpse at the rest of the season. Based on the mid-season trailer, things are only going to get messier as Luka exposes himself as a fuckboy, Lily keeps messing up to the point where Tumi considers her “dead weight,†Max and Lily start hooking up, and Natalya makes a surprising return because she just can’t stay away.