Why are the Bravo gods so intent on shoving Natalya’s four-month-long relationship down our throats? The fact that it’s one of two major plot points (the other being the very enjoyable and petty Max/deck team drama) in this episode is beyond painful. I would rather do anything — like listen to Kyle’s bitching and moaning — than have to hear about it again. But before I get into that unavoidable mess, we have to begin by talking about the other issue at hand, which is Max.
We pick up right where the last episode left off, with Sandy trying to help Lara and Max fix their communication troubles. She thinks the problem stems from the language barrier and Max not using the radio correctly, but I have an inkling it might also be that he has an issue with Lara’s rank, as well as him not expecting the job to be as difficult as it is. He needs to get his shit together!
Lara is more than annoyed with Max and has zero patience for him, telling Kyle in Afrikaans that “certain men don’t want me in this position.†I’m glad she has someone to vent to in her native tongue, even if that person happens to be Kyle. Thankfully, though, she has Luka’s calm energy to balance her out because all hell would probably break loose otherwise.
Meanwhile, Natalya’s boyfriend problems continue when he texts her that he’s going to Thailand with some friends. She rightfully disapproves, stating that there’s “definitely double-standard bullshit happening†since he’s been extremely controlling about how she spends her time on the boat. I agree, and even I know that she deserves much better than this pathetic guy. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, I promise.
Today is Jack’s birthday, and the crew celebrates by decorating the mess with cat-themed décor, which Jack doesn’t fully appreciate since he can’t have a drink on the job. On the bright side, he gets to spend the day having a cute little pizza party with Nat and the kids, who wear adorable aprons and chef’s hats while making their pizzas.
While they’re having fun in the galley, Kyle complains to Tumi about how his roomie, Natalya, doesn’t stop talking, accompanied by some B-roll of her spending the entire night going on and on about her boyfriend, AJ. Tumi’s biggest takeaway from this chat: “I thought Kyle and Natalya were friends, but if he’s talking shit about her, he’s definitely talking shit about me.†Ding, ding, ding! Welcome to Kyle’s toxic world, Tumi!
Later, Natalya also gets a tad irritated with him for lounging on the salon couch after Ehren points out how comfortable it is. It’s giving her flashbacks to last season, and I can’t blame her! She tells us that her need to constantly be working and inability to tolerate laziness comes from her perfectionist parents, who always made sure their house was in tip-top shape, which makes complete sense.
Elsewhere on deck, Lara continues clashing with Max after asking him to help with the crane. She shouts at him to put it on a certain setting and gets visibly irritated when it takes him a while to figure it out. In a confessional, Max says that he can tell Lara doesn’t respect him and thinks she’s acting like she’s being exorcised. I love Lara and understand her frustrations, but constantly speaking rudely to Max is proving to be very counterproductive.
The funniest part about this Max situation is the belief that he needs to be treated like a toddler as if that’s going to help the situation. Luka says that Max needs to be explicitly told what to do and that he’ll throw a tantrum when he isn’t happy with something, like being told off. Just as Natalya is getting flashbacks to last season, this is reminding me of the recent season of Down Under, in which João compared Culver to a manchild prone to outbursts. In an attempt to get Max to behave (read: do his job), Luka decides that they should start showering him with compliments. Being nice, what a concept! This approach actually appears to work because Max seems to be getting shit done without any issues the rest of the charter. I came into this episode planning to declare that Max’s derrière needed to be tossed overboard, but he seems to be making some progress. Only time will tell if it stays this way.
After lunch, the guests, Natalya, and Haleigh head to shore to visit a statue of St. Francis and his dog in the gorgeous town of Monterosso. Once they return to the boat, Nat isn’t pleased with how Tumi hadn’t finished setting up the decor and table for dinner despite being given a heads-up that they were coming back. She complains to Jack and Kyle, who simply aren’t having it and think that Natalya’s just trying to find something to whine about, which, true. Everything’s going perfectly fine, so why try causing shit right after burying the hatchet with Tumi?
Captain Sandy then makes Lara’s day by having her drive the boat out of the anchorage, which Lara says is the “nicest thing that I’ve heard out of a captain’s mouth.†Sandy sees a lot of herself in Lara, who has shown tons of initiative and dedication. It’s another dream come true for Lara, who’s end-goal is to become a captain, and I could totally see her climbing the ranks under Sandy’s wing. As long as it doesn’t turn into a Sandy-and-Malia-type relationship, then I’m all for it.
After Natalya finishes planning a treasure hunt for the final morning’s pirate party, Natalya gives Luka a pillow with a bra on it and puts a red polo shirt on a pillow for herself to sleep with. Luka tells her she’s “lost the plot.†Yeah, horniness can do that to a person. While Luka claims to have feelings for Nat, her hesitance is making him question things, remarking in a confessional, “Who am I to Natalya? A side piece?†This ultimately doesn’t matter much because they finally reach a breakthrough during the night out (more on that later).
The charter ends on a perfect note the next morning with, as a graphic reads, “Natalya Scudder Presents: Pirates of the Mediterranean.†The entire crew dresses up in pirate costumes and gets involved in the fun, with Sandy kickstarting the treasure hunt by providing the first clue in the bridge. It’s a wholesome moment that’s also perfectly timed since Halloween is right around the corner. Natalya absolutely killed it and Tumi is equally thrilled that she had Natalya in charge of bringing it to life.
Once the fun is over, it’s time to pick up the anchor, and Luka is pleased with the fact that Max is finally being more productive. When they arrive at Marina Polo Vecchio, Luka’s anxiety skyrockets upon the realization that their docking spot is super tight. It goes without incident, and the guests depart shortly after. I’m actually sad to see Roy & Co. leave since they’ll probably be the most easygoing guests of the entire season, but I doubt this will be the last time we see them on the show.
At the tip meeting, Sandy has nothing but praise for the crew’s performance and reveals that they’ve been rewarded with a whopping $28,000 tip. Jessika arrives soon afterward because she’s feeling better now that the hangover is gone. Kyle says it’s convenient that she’s back just in time for the night out, which is rich coming from the literal king of avoiding work. I guess it takes one to know one. However, it’s still funny since Jess was the one who initially complained about people not pulling their weight.
At the club, Jack hangs out with a nameless girl from London since he has nothing romantic going for him on the boat. I’m sure this was his birthday wish, so good for him! Elsewhere in the romance department, Luka and Natalya continue flirting before Nat decides to give her boyfriend a call and assure him that she’s not doing anything that would make him mad. They argue for a while about how difficult and confusing their relationship is and how it isn’t fair for him to hook up with people in Thailand while she’s stuck on the boat. Natalya needs to be freed from the shackles of this very one-sided “open relationship†because it’s getting out of hand.
However, it doesn’t stop her from getting what she wants. Luka and Nat finally take things to the next level and kiss in the van ride back to the boat. I’m here for it, and that’s mostly because we’re in desperate need of a boatmance to spice things up. They continue making out with each other in the bathroom and in her bed until she gets rudely interrupted by an incoming call from none other than AJ. What a buzzkill! Luka encourages Natalya to answer the call while he’s in bed with her for shits and giggles, while an annoyed Kyle argues that she shouldn’t. For once, I actually agree with Kyle.
Natalya has already told us that her relationship is getting in the way of her job, and based on the preview for next week’s eventful episode — in which she appears to reach a breaking point — it feels like her departure is imminent.