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The White Lotus Kill-or-Be-Killed Report is a weekly check-in with the guests and employees at this cursed hotel chain to speculate who’s most likely to murder, and/or end up murdered, following this week’s episode, “The Meaning of Dreams.”
Nothing like a not-at-all-subtle dream sequence to start our slow-moving episode! In my opinion, the two things with the worst hit-to-miss ratio in entertainment are dream sequences and drug trips, and this episode had both. Sorry to be so tough on our fair series, but does anyone else feel like things are moving at the leisurely pace of an actual beach vacation and not the more thrilling speed of a murder mystery? I am ready for things to get MESSY, and it feels like we’re still in the prologue of a more exciting show that is coming up later. I honestly was more riveted by Walton Goggins’s (fantastic!) Architectural Digest tour. But let’s lead by example and focus on murder with this week’s Kill-or-Be-Killed Report.
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Valentin
He is going right here at the top because many of you wisely pointed out that the timing of Valentin just saying hi oh so casually to Gaitok was VERY suspicious, given the timing of the armed robbery. He has big scammer energy. I wonder if he and Chloe are in cahoots? And also maybe Greg-Gary? Seeing as Chloe and GG aren’t even guests at the hotel and have no reason to be there outside of finding new marks.
In between cons, he is staying busy “healing” the wounded energy of the victory-lap blondes. Jaclyn’s insistence that Laurie have a fling with him will almost certainly backfire; the question is when and how. In the meantime, you can find him sensually correcting everyone’s posture in yoga class.
Will he kill or be killed? I’m putting him in the KILLER column.
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Rick
After watching Rick be a total prick to Chelsea, Chloe, and literally everyone he meets at this hotel, it’s a pleasure to watch him turn on the smarmy charm for Sritala as he sets his next scam in motion: pretending to be a producer who can get her cast in a project, for which — what a crazy coincidence! — he’s heading to Bangkok. (I love the way he says to Fabian, “I didn’t get your name, but, anyway,” and leaves before Fabian can respond.) I also think it’s very funny that he uses Chelsea’s passion for astrology to undermine their relationship when it suits him to do so.
In yet another one of these stress-management sessions he is coerced into attending, Rick shares that he’s “done a lot of bad things” (duh) and that, while he can’t get his life back, “maybe I can still get some satisfaction.” What a normal thing to say! Later, Rick smokes bad weed and decides to set free all of the venomous snakes at the janky-looking snake show that, for some reason, he feels compelled to attend.
Rick has it out for Sritala’s husband — probably this is the guy he thinks killed his dad, right? — and given the decision-making skills we’ve seen him deploy thus far, I’m sure that little destination murder will go swimmingly.
Will he kill or be killed? He’s almost certainly killed before and he wants to kill again. I would say it’s a given, but I just feel like we’re in for a White Lotus swerve where the guy whose entire deal screams “I commit felonies” is the least likely to actually off somebody. But he could BE killed! At this point, that’s what I’m rooting for.
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Chelsea
I was surprised and a little annoyed to hear Chelsea refer to Rick as her “soul mate” and “life partner.” I thought she was one of these not-as-dumb-as-she-looks girls who has plopped herself into a mutually beneficial arrangement — that a sort of romantic-girlfriend experience was her shtick, not that she actually, genuinely believed that Rick was the love of her life. This angle makes it harder for me to buy into their whole deal. She asks him if they’ll ever have fun again, and I am asking this as well! She is still having dinner and sex with him after he set loose the venomous snake that BIT HER LEG and could have killed her — and he isn’t even sorry!! “You’re not going to get rid of me that easy,” she says, as I scream at my screen, “JESUS CHRIST CHELSEA BREAK UP WITH THIS LOSER.” There are plenty of fish in the Gulf of Thailand.
Will she kill or be killed? My money is still on the theory that Chelsea will KILL. I think it could be really good for her! Oh, God, I just realized: If she loves Rick and Rick wants to go on a vengeance homicide mission, is she going to insist on joining? I want so much more for her!
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Victoria
About that dream: Victoria walks into the sea. She faces a tsunami. Her house is right behind her. And yet there is nothing she can do in the face of this “natural” disaster (an extreme weather event whose intensity is a direct result of man-made climate change) but drown. What could it possibly mean???
I do love that her primary concern about her son boarding a boat in a foreign country with total strangers is whether the rich people in question are “decent” or “trashy.” I wonder how she’ll feel about her lifestyle being funded with laundered money and bribes. Is that decent or trashy, do you think? (Or: Does she already know??)
Will she kill or be killed? I’m counting her out on both for now, though of course, an accidental murder involving her “meds” is not out of the question.
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Belinda
The chemistry between Belinda and her guide, Pornchai — who, at one point, cradles her in his arms like a new bride as he twirls her in the pool — is very sweet and lovely, even though it feels like it is taking place on a distant planet relative to the rest of our program. I was relieved to see Belinda clock Greg-Gary and make the direct approach; I trust that his denial will not shake her. Eagerly anticipating the part of this show where Belinda gets to mystery-solving!
Will she kill or be killed? So far, I’m going with … no. I think she lives to tell yet another harrowing tale and I don’t think she’s the type to get her hands on a gun.
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Timothy
Somebody’s phone will NOT stop buzzing! A veritable tsunami of texts and calls, if you will. Back on the home front, the FBI is at his office; here in Thailand, everyone’s electronics are going in Pam’s bag. Timothy is obviously having a psychotic break, but not a single person in his family can tell, and I think that’s beautiful.
Will he kill or be killed? Him being killed would be a sort of anticlimactic end to his crisis; he’d leave his whole family holding the bag. I think he will leave the White Lotus as a haunted man, a white-collar criminal whose reputation is in tatters but who did not, at least, commit a homicide while on vacation.
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Gaitok
As I suspected, Gaitok was almost fired, saved from this fate only because Sritala took pity on him. Gaitok is so clueless he thinks that, as a reward for failing at his security job, he could be promoted to Sritala’s personal bodyguard. I think Mook can do better, sorry!
Will he kill or be killed? At this point, I feel like he could kill just to try to prove he’s a man and/or due to professional incompetence.
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Saxon
Love how you can tell that his dad literally never compliments him, because the minute Timothy actually says something nice — a lie pulled from the air to convince Saxon to give up his phone — Saxon goes soft as Play-Doh in daddy’s hands. I feel like he almost clocked that something was seriously wrong when his dad said, “There’s more to life than success,” but I guess not. Now that his phone is gone, Saxon needs a project, and he sets his sights on Lochlan. In a very early-2000s-teen-movie move, Saxon decides his brother needs to “get laid” by the end of the week. Then he immediately gets distracted by Chloe. Ah, well, anyway.
Will he kill or be killed? Too obvious for him to be a killer; he’s a little young to get killed, but I think his douchiness makes him fair game.
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Lochlan
I’m sorry, a corrective posture treatment? And we have to watch this session wherein we just see someone articulate the obvious — that Lochlan is closed off and lacks confidence — for … what? What purpose is this scene serving in this hour-long episode? Also, is it weird to anyone else that Saxon is just assuming his brother is straight? Like, not even allowing for the (eminently plausible) possibility that Lochlan is gay?
Will he kill or be killed? I am struggling to summon the strength to care! Pray that the posture-improvement session also put a little oomph into his personality.
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Piper
Intriguing to hear her big brother describe her as the one who “always gets what she wants,” despite his apex-predator personality. It IS a sign of her power, however covertly wielded, that her niche interest brought her entire family on a 35-hour flight away from home. She schleps all the way to that village again just to be told her interview is on Friday, and once more I must ask this: Why is this episode paced this way? Why did we need to see her go all the way there just for the interview to take place in several days’ time? I have long believed that the correct length of an “hour-long” show is actually 47 minutes, with EXTREMELY limited exceptions (The Sopranos). All the greats could get it done with time limits and commercial breaks, and they were stronger for it!
Will she kill or be killed? Much like her younger brother, I fear mostly that she will die of boredom and/or being boring. But I hold out hope for improvement!
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Jaclyn, Laurie, and Kate
Laurie succumbs to peer pressure and has her energy healed, which she describes as “intimate,” thus leading to a group conversation about spiritually more broadly, wherein we discover that Kate is a regular churchgoer who self-identifies as an independent, but of COURSE her husband — the business owner for whom she presumably moved to Texas — is a Republican. The face Kate makes when Laurie asks her if she voted for Trump is just perfect. The way her chin and mouth sort of crumple … it’s like watching somebody kick in a beer can. I love how swiftly the other girls leap at the invite to visit her in Austin, just to get out of the conversational cul-de-sac that is Kate being a surprise (to them) Trumper. And naturally, at the end of the night, Kate overhears Jaclyn and Laurie bonding over their shared horror re: Kate’s political persuasion.
Will they kill or be killed? Given this new information about Kate, we can assume she’s the only one of the bunch who has ever owned and/or shot a gun. So, point for Kate being a killer, which suggests her friends might not survive the season.
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Chloe
Just as Chelsea does at the top of the episode, Chloe complains that “Gary” is “so secretive.” Here too I am bummed, because I was hoping Chloe was going to be a real smart cookie disguised as a dum-dum, but instead it would appear she has bought, hook, line, and sinker (lol), Greg-Gary’s incredibly suspect story about how his wife died. Of course, we know it is bullshit, but how does Chloe, a woman of the world, not know it’s a huge red flag for her to have died in such a manner that her body was never found? Unless we are in for a twist-on-the-twist where she does know, has known everything all along, has plans to blackmail him for all he’s worth …?
Greg-Gary never touches Chloe, thus leaving her vulnerable to Saxon’s interests, but at least she has a strong opener: “I hear you’re a douche.”
Will she kill or be killed? I lean killer with this one. But curious for your predictions as always!
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Keep an eye on:
Mook, who continues to give Gaitok confusing signals and has yet to interact in a meaningful way with anyone but Gaitok, which I hope will be remedied before the season is through; Pornchai, who is so in looooove with Belinda; Sritala, who appears totally won over by Rick’s charms, which makes me fear for her safety; Fabian, who is encouraged by the victory-lap blondes to ask Sritala for a performance slot (this is one of the reasons this episode felt so slow; did we not just watch a young employee angle for the opportunity to perform for guests last season?); Pam, who holds the real keys to the castle (the electronics belonging to the Ratliffs).
More From This Series
- The Resilient Natasha Rothwell
- The White Lotus Recap: Party, Part I
- The White Lotus Kill-or-Be-Killed Report: Are We Having Fun Yet?