It’s the day of True’s 4th-birthday party, and as is every 4-year-old’s dream, the theme is pastels. Not Minions, not mermaids, but pastels — I hope she picked it out herself and is just obsessed with color schemes. Unfortunately, Aunt Kim and Kourtney didn’t get the pastel memo and showed up in neon orange and black, respectively.
Also not wearing pastel is Tristan, who isn’t there at all because he just so happened to have a game that day — which doesn’t feel like a coincidence. In fact, Khloé says the two haven’t seen each other in person since before Christmas, right when the scandal broke. Even though he couldn’t make it, Kris pulls Khloé aside and says that he called to tell her that he was privately taking care of the cost of the party. By privately, he apparently means telling Khloé’s mom about it and having her say it on television. While Khloé appreciates the gesture, it’s not happening on her watch: “I don’t need anyone’s help.â€
Kris, for one, seems a little too chummy with Tristan, who you might recall is the show’s antagonist. But she’s probably just desperate to smooth things over wherever she can in their chaotic lives — which the party is a nice respite from. This episode alone, they’re dealing with the Met Gala, Kourtney’s wedding planning, and the looming Blac Chyna trial.
First up on that doozy of a to-do list is the Met — for which Kim has big plans. She was originally just going to skip it altogether because she couldn’t fathom how she could top last year’s outfit, the all-black Balenciaga getup that made her look like her own shadow. But then inspiration struck: “What’s more American than Marilyn Monroe?†It’s a rhetorical question, but I think we all know the answer would be the Statue of Liberty costumes from Miss Congeniality. Those, of course, are too historic to lend out.
Easier to track down was the dress that Marilyn Monroe wore when she famously sang “Happy Birthday†to JFK, now in the possession of Ripley’s Believe It or Not, which was more than happy to work with Kim and let her try it on. Kim has long been fascinated with Marilyn, and you can tell how excited she is by this idea. “She transformed herself to be this complete icon, and now everyone on the planet knows who she is. Much respect,†she says, holding back a smirk and restraining herself from saying, “Just like me!â€
But before she can try on the original, she does a test run with a replica. She assures us that she possesses a shape-shifting ability that allows her to fit into garments no matter what the measurements suggest on paper — and sure enough, the replica not only fits but is even a little big on her. One big caveat: The replica has stretch, and the original doesn’t. Kim mentions this in passing, and I feel like that’s a pretty big distinction, but nonetheless, she’s chalking this up as a victory for now.
Out in Palm Springs, Kylie is making Met plans of her own, deciding at the last minute that she will be attending the Gala in support of fashion label Off-White and designer Virgil Abloh, who recently passed away. Straying from the mermaid dresses she’s worn in past years, her look is very reminiscent of a wedding dress, which she’s into. But once she puts on the accompanying white snapback hat, it turns into an Avril Lavigne–themed wedding dress, which against all odds, she’s still into.
Something that’s becoming a regular staple of this show is the post-online-scandal lunch. It’s a way for the family to debrief on headlines that wouldn’t have otherwise naturally made it into the show — like the fallout from the Variety interview, or, in this case, Kim Photoshopping True into Disneyland photos.
Grabbing lunch out at a restaurant like this might actually be one of the most normal things we see this family do — until Kim strolls up dressed like chic Guy Fieri, reminding us that nothing is normal. And speaking of things not being normal, Kim fills us in on just why she Photoshopped one of her nieces over another niece in her Instagram photo.
She tells us that she has a carefully curated grid, with a pink and blue color palette, and she really wanted to post this photo of Stormi and Chi at Disneyland — but Kylie, not wanting any Stormi pics out at the time, vetoed it. So Kim did what anybody would: She Photoshopped True’s face over Stormi’s body so that she could post the photo anyway! And sure enough, she was officially exposed when Khloé accidentally posted about True’s “first time†at Disneyland a few months after the fake photos were posted.
I, for one, think this is the funniest scandal the Kardashians have ever been involved in. I think it’s genius, and I will be following suit moving forward. How often have we all been banned from posting a photo in which we look great just because someone else in it looks bad? Enough! From now on, I’m just poorly Photoshopping True Thompson on top of anybody who doesn’t want the photo posted and posting it anyway.
While at lunch, Kim gets a call from their lawyer about the Blac Chyna case, which she has no problem taking on speaker (supporting my theory that all of the other diners in these restaurant scenes are paid extras). In a confessional, Khloé gives us a brief explainer on the case: “She is saying that the Rob and Chyna show didn’t get a second season because we interfered with it … not because they weren’t in a relationship anymore,†she says with a wink.
From their perspective, the case seems so open-and-shut — after all, how are they expected to film a show together when she got a restraining order against him? To be fair, Kylie films most of this show at least 100 feet away from her sisters, so maybe they could make it work. But despite feeling confident about the facts of the case, they worry about leaving their fate in the hands of 12 random jury members who could hate them. “No one hates us, Khloé!†Kourtney jokingly assures her sister, absolutely light as air, being one of the few sisters not named in the lawsuit.
“I haven’t been to a trial since I was 14 years old,†Kim says, alluding to the O.J. trial, in case you forgot. So you can understand why they’re not so quick to trust a jury.
The whole family jets off to Palm Springs for Easter, matching pajamas included courtesy of Kris, and does what any other family does for Easter: They talk about their Met Gala plans. Kim tells her sisters that, believe it or not, Ripley’s pulled the plug on the Marilyn dress idea after the original wouldn’t fit over her hips in a fitting. So as of now, she’s not going and is having major FOMO. But she hasn’t totally given up hope just yet, she has three weeks to shape-shift a little more to give it another shot. What follows is the closest thing reality television has ever seen to the Rocky training montage, as Kim rigorously works out, eats clean, and cuts out sugar in a last-ditch attempt to make the dress fit.
Kourtney has an important dress fitting of her own, though hers is far less stressful. She tells us that she and Travis have decided to redirect the energy they’d been putting into having a baby toward wedding planning — putting IVF on hold because of the physical and mental toll it takes on her. So their sole focus is the wedding, and the pair are flying from L.A. to Milan for the fitting of their dress and tuxedo. Though they have some friends and stylists in tow, the family can’t make it because they’re unfortunately due in court.
They arrive at the hotel in their red-leopard matching pajamas, and the room is decked out, even including a photo of them from their last Italy trip on the bedside table. It might just be me, but if I arrived to a hotel and there was a framed photo of myself sitting on display, I would simply assume somebody was there to murder me. Kravis doesn’t share my concern though, and soon enough they’re off to Dolce & Gabbana’s private offices. Apart from Dolce & Gabbana being wildly problematic, this entire ordeal is also just very boring. It perfectly recreates the childhood feeling of being dragged along while your mom wanders through Kohl’s. But Hulu paid to send a camera crew to Italy, so we’re getting this footage whether we like it or not.